Soul Eternal
by Iluvem'moody
Summary: What nameless thing has captured me and made me powerless to flee? It took only one jump and Fate had taken hold of me. Its aim to fill that burning hole within my soul... CxB/AU.
1. The Jump

_(A/n) I've had this poem stuck in my head for days. It refuses to go away and so I have decided to expand on these little passionate verses into something that will be interesting to say the least. This poem has no known title, I don't know who wrote it, I just know it came from a very old computer game called King's Quest 6. I hope it suits where I wish to take this story... and I hope you enjoy it. It starts, naturally, in the time line of New Moon. After that, it turns AU._

_Welcome to my first Carlisle/Bella Fic._

__Disclaimer: All characters and themes in Twilight series do not belong to me, but their respective author and publisher.__

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><p><em><strong>Soul Eternal<strong>_

_**What was it when I looked at you**_

_**What power has chained me through and through**_

_**And binds my heart with links so tight**_

_**I cannot live without the sight of you**_

_**What nameless thing has captured me**_

_**And made me powerless to flee**_

_**What thing is it without a name**_

_**That brings my mind ere back the same to thee**_

_**The name of **_**love ****_cannot apply_**

_**Its commonest does not decry**_

_**The haunted, hunted, painful cry**_

_**That my heart makes for you...**_

_**That ere my **_**soul eternal ****_makes for you..._**

**_.oOo._**

_Chapter 1: The Jump_

I often wondered where it was that this path would lead me to.

I knew from the moment _he_ came into my life, and I discovered his secret, that nothing would ever be the same for me. I never regretted anything I had done so far in my short eighteen years of existence. Not even meeting him... He had been my first love after all, it was only natural that when he had ended it, it would seem to destroy me.

Oh how I wished, how I _wished, _that he could feel the pain that I had gone through during those dark days. I had given him my all and he threw it back in my face.

_It would be as if I never existed..._

Oh those words left its mark. I had sometimes wondered my own sanity. Had I dreamed it all? Had it been nothing more than some terrible flight of fancy? No. I knew that what I had lived through had been very real indeed. He could try to make it seem as if he and his family had never existed in my life but it would _not_ work.

I had my memories and I had (though I shiver at _that_ particular memory) the bite mark that had been left by the nomad who had hunted me. Though now, it feels as if it was lifetime ago. That shimmering, pale scar left on my wrist. It was cooler than the rest of my skin, a testament to the fact that the creature that gave it to me was anything but human. He could not erase that scar unless he wished to relieve me of that particular appendage. Which he didn't of course. He wanted me to live as normal a human life as possible.

Well, how ironic that I would find my joys in the simple call of an adrenalin rush. Oh, I knew my sanity was on the brink the moment his voice warned me in my own mind of the dangers in which I lived my life. I could understand the first moment when I had been aware, the guys that had been standing outside the bar that I mistook for the men who had nearly raped me many moons prior. Of course, he had been right. I was foolish to bring danger to Jessica at that moment. Though my fear had been non existent since the moment he left me on that forest floor, it didn't mean I had to drag my friends down along with me.

Jessica had talked sense into me before I had gone too close. I didn't realize how scared she had been and I made a mental note to not try anything like that with her, or anyone, around. I had apologized to her for making her uncomfortable. I had explained it was a mistake of identity. I thought I knew those men. She seemed all right and our girl's night out had progressed much more smoothly than it had when it started.

I smiled, I laughed, I lived as he wanted me to. It couldn't erase the hole he had punched through the very soul of me. He had always gone on about saving my soul yet he didn't realize he had destroyed it with his very own hands.

I suppose I wouldn't have been so bad if the family had not abandoned me as well. I had hoped at least a goodbye from the pixie who had professed to be my best friend. I hoped to get a goodbye from the woman who had been as a mother to me as I was to my own. I had hoped that the man, who had been like the older brother I never realized I needed, would wish to give me one last bear hug. One last goodbye from those who had welcomed me most.

Most of all, I wish that the father figure, the leader, of this coven of vampires, who had been like a father to me, would wish to say goodbye. That was all I truly craved. I wanted at _least_ a goodbye. They didn't even grant me that...

I am bitter, I can admit that. Wouldn't you if your love, and the family you always craved to be a part of, just disappeared?

Hmph.

I supposed there's no sense in crying over spilled blood. I never blamed Jasper for any of it. He had his own lust, plus the lust of every vampire in that room, to deal with. Especially since I was _his _singer. No, it wasn't Jasper's fault at all. I bet Edward never said a word to Jasper that I never blamed him for it. It was at moments like these that I hated the _boy_ who had the gall to break me. For he was a boy and a selfish one at that. Then again, I was but girl. A silly, starry eyed girl who had been brought to reality in a very rude manner.

For you see, he left a goodbye gift for me. Ha, he really did. A little gift by the name of Victoria. The flaming haired vixen who managed to escape the clutches of a pack of shape shifters that my best friend, my sun, was a part of. I swear she has a gift for escaping. She always managed to slip through their paws...

Ah well, no sense worrying over that little detail. Her entire existence focused on little old me. She wanted revenge for the idiot that had challenged a coven of seven vampires to get an afternoon snack. A mate for mate, perhaps? Ha, I don't think so. Not as Edward so _kindly _stated to me.

Ah well, be that as it may. I am her soul reason for existing now and if I'm out of picture than perhaps she would leave my family in peace. I would hope so... I counted on my Jacob to protect Charlie. My father was an honorable man who didn't need any of this supernatural shit on his plate.

No, I _love _my father. I wouldn't allow this crazy vampire to harm him in any way. At least, I would try. At the moment, I was taking up on Jacob's invitation to go cliff diving. At least, a solo invitation. The moment was too perfect for me. A storm was raging above me, the sea roaring below me... It was _perfect_. Just like _him.._.

Even now, standing on the edge of oblivion, I can hear his voice in my mind. Begging me to stop, pleading with me to turn away. _Danger..._

The laughter slipped from my lips before I could stop it and I raised my face to the onslaught of rain, feeling it soaking me to the very marrow of my bones. "You didn't listen to me then Edward... Why should I listen to y_ou_? You knew the dangers when you brought me into your world as well as I. Yet you still pursued me. Damning you and myself to hell. It was your _own _stubborn fault for leaving me in this situation. I have to clean up your mess... If this is the way to do it, then so be it..."

His voice had faded then, drowned out by the sound of crashing waves and pounding rain. I raised my hands to the heavens and pleaded to the gods above to save me from this hell. I had loved with my all and it wasn't enough. I was not _enough. _

Even now, I was being selfish. Thinking of my own pain and my own needs above those who loved me. Then again, I had always thought of others' needs before my own prior to this. Sad to realize it took me this long to be selfish. I just always knew I was never meant for their love. My parents, Jacob... Only _him_... _his family..._

_Could I be loved? Am I enough? There must be something greater than myself that can show me... please... Fill this hole in my soul..._

With one last glance at the thundering sky above, I braced myself against the fierce wind... and _jumped..._


	2. Instinct

_(a/n) chapters will be short for now... I find it much easier with the time frame I have. Hope you enjoy._

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><p><em>Chapter 2: Instinct<em>

_Oblivion could be so noisy..._

The moment I fell through the swirling foam of the sea below, I was swept away by the powerful currents and dragged deeper into sea. I kicked at the water, swimming with the flow rather than against it. I didn't want to give Jacob or the pack even the slightest chance of finding me. I had to do this, to stop the pain and to stop this hell...

I kept my eyes open against the murkiness, despite the burn that the salt water caused my eyes. I swam with the currents until I could swim no more and then I allowed myself to drift along, listening to the pounding, swirling sounds of the waves. Despite the storm, it was peaceful beneath the waves...

I ignored the burning of my lungs and I focused on the sight of the wavering gray surface of the ocean above me. I could feel myself just drifting... I wasn't sinking. The currents were only pushing me along to my next adventure, wherever that would be. I wanted so much to smile. Nature was beautiful even in all of her fury...

For a moment, I felt as if I saw a form swimming above me, a flash of red catching my dimming vision. Whoever, whatever, it was never noticed me below them and I had the urge to laugh. I was missed by my _gift_... I really wanted to laugh but something was telling me not to inhale this water. It had to be my instinct, this new, subtler voice that had replaced Edward's that I felt as if I had heard before... It had a beautiful lilt to it and I could feel my smile grow as I allowed this voice to wrap around my senses. I closed my eyes and I could feel the water swaying me around, rocking me in a gentle embrace...

At some point I felt a flash of warmth, a pulse of what felt like energy surrounding me. I didn't open my eyes at this, I simply felt as if it was my time in passing... I was finally free of my hell...

The currents weren't as strong as before and I even began to feel a force pushing at my legs, pushing against my feet. I supposed I was being thrown deeper into the ocean but the feel of swirling waters tugging at my hair was different. At this point, my lungs were beginning to burn even worse and that sweet, heavenly, _compassionate_ voice, that I called instinct, begged me to swim. So, I did... if only to hear that sweet voice...

I was weak, I was always weak, but I managed. I did what my instinct begged of me and I relished in the praise that it gave me. _Good girl, you're doing well... Keep swimming... You're almost there..._

Just as my lungs began to feel that terrible ache to inhale, even if there was nothing more than water surrounding my mouth and nostrils, I broke through the surface. Cold air greeted me and I felt myself being pushed by the currents toward a shore. The feel of a muddy bottom greeted my shoes, the feeling of them sinking beneath it. One of them slipped off, forever lost to flow of the currents. I paid it no heed and continued to swim and walk toward the blurry sight of a shore. The waters smelled horrible, nothing like I had smelled of the ocean before. It smelled more like a dirty river...

I didn't think further of it as the heavenly voice praised me at making it to shore, enveloped me in what I felt was love... A gentle smile touched my lips as I collapsed on the rocky shore on my knees and fell to my side. I stared up at the gray clouds above me and wondered it I had finally found peace...

The sound of running footsteps did not distract me from the sight of the gray clouds above and it was only when a face had moved into my line of vision, did I finally focus. A familiar face was looking down at me, one of the seven I thought I would never see again. It was a face that I never imagined in my wildest dreams to bear the sight of blood in his cheeks or the sparkling blue eyes that stared down at me with worry.

"My lady," said the man, his golden hair flowing free about the curve corned collar of his shirt. "Are you all right?"

I tilted my head slightly to the side, listening to the man as his voice reached my tired ears. I smiled at that, realizing that he sounded so much like my instinct. I let out a sweet sigh and reached out to caress the surprisingly warm, soft flesh of Carlisle Cullen.

"Carlisle," I whispered his name, feeling immense happiness at the fact that a very human Carlisle was now reaching out to cradle the back of my neck within his hand. He was so gentle... Then again he always had a gentle hand...

I noticed that his blue eyes were wide with surprise and the good doctor was staring down at me as if I were the devil himself. I laughed at that thought and let my hand drop back down against my breast. "I'm fine good doctor... I always knew I would find you here in heaven..."

I allowed my eyes to close, suddenly feeling very tired... Could one sleep in heaven? Or purgatory knowing the life I lived. If Carlisle was here then that meant it had to be purgatory. No god in their right mind would send such a compassionate soul as his to hell. I could deal with purgatory... I drifted off into a dreamless slumber, basking in the feeling of the warm arms that now caressed me...


	3. First Sight

_(A/n) No reviews but I'll keep writing. :)_

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><p><em>Chapter 3: First Sight<em>

_**London, England 1662**_

_Carlisle_

Being raised by a father who chased after the nightmares of this world, fear was not something I had the luxury of admitting to even myself. I often wondered if my father's obsessive need to rid the world of all things evil had stemmed from the death of my mother. I wondered but I couldn't say... After all, my mother had died to give me life. To give her husband a son and heir to pass on his name.

The often haunted and sad look in my father's pale blue eyes was evident to the fact that he wasn't always the man that I knew now. There were times, when he thought I was not looking, that I would catch him in his study, staring at a tiny portrait that he had of my mother. I had seen it several times before, the small image painted of a beautiful woman with golden hair piled in curls upon her head. Her dress was that of the fashion two decades before, a simple style for the wife of a pastor. She had such a mysterious smile on her face, as if she knew some secret that the rest of us would never know. It was this smile that made the haunted, sad look in my father's eyes grow anew.

I didn't speak of it with him. We never spoke of the woman whose looks I favored above his own. It was an unspoken rule in his house. A wall that divided us. We never spoke of Katherine Cullen. She was a ghost within this home of the pastor. A ghost that often sent my father on his hunts through London to rid the city of demons.

Witches, Werewolves, vampires... Satan's children they were and it was my father's sworn duty to eradicate them from the face of this mortal realm. Of course, as his son, I followed in his footsteps. I learned the signs, followed the trails, and bore the weapons that were blessed by the church to bring about their demise. The hunts were not always fruitful, it was a very rare moment when we would find the sign of something supernatural. My father didn't give up however and I was not expected to either.

Tonight was for another hunt. There had been rumors of a witch that had been lingering about the shores of the Thames by the bridge, taking young men and drowning them in the river. I was currently making my way from the narrow alleys of the city, the sight of the Thames greeting me, the London Bridge could be seen in the distance. The sky was an overcast of gray clouds, a testament to the haunted air that was beginning to linger above the surface of the waters.

I had come to the river on my own in hopes of finding some sign of this witch that was spoken about. I thought, perhaps foolishly, that I could find something that might explain the disappearances of these men. It might not be a witch but some drunken fools who had taken a wrong step. There were enough pubs about this city.

I had begun to walk along the docks, the river lapping gently against the wooden beams and rocky shores. My eyes scanned the the area, catching sight of fisherman and merchants, vagabonds and street urchins... A normal sight if there ever was. I stopped at the edge of a dock and kneeled down, the damp wood soaking the knees of my breeches. I studied the swirling surface of the waters, catching sight of something pale. Was it a face?

My heart gave a strong thump as a mist began to form, the heavy air that had been lingering above the surface of the waters becoming physical. The mist continued to swirl and I glanced about the docks, noting that none of the people who called these docks their home noticed the strangeness. How could they not? This was not natural... Was it the witch? It was day... She was not known to emerge during the day...

I froze in surprise as a cold fingers brushed along the back of my neck, pulling the ribbon that tied my golden hair aside. A soft voice spoke above my ear and I shivered at the feel of the cold breath. _She will emerge soon... You have to save her._

I didn't respond, I had nothing to say. Was this the witch? A ghost? As quickly as I felt the presence, it was gone and I chanced a glance over my shoulder. There was no one behind me, no sign of any presence... Was I going mad?

The sound of splashing caught my ear and I looked toward the river, catching sight of a young woman struggling to climb out of the river. She was soaked completely through, her clothing was unlike anything I had ever seen. She looked to be wearing breeches.

I watched as she walked on shaky legs to the rocky shore by the docks and collapsed to the ground, her dark hair falling about her pale face. She was staring up at the sky, a strange smile on her face. Without thought, I ran toward the fallen woman and jumped down to the rocky shore, my boots crunching along the rocks. I skidded to a stop beside her and reached out for her, panic rising in me at the fact that this woman might have lost her life. "My lady, are you all right?"

A pair of chocolate brown eyes focused on my own and my thudding heart suddenly stopped. She was, despite her soaked and very pale appearance, a very beautiful woman. When she smiled at me, my heart began to beat anew and at a faster pace than it had before. What witchery was this?

The young woman tilted her head slightly, staring at me with a familiarity that unnerved me. She sighed in such a sweet manner and she reached out to place her cold fingers against my cheek. "Carlisle," she whispered.

She knew my name? How in all of the heavens did she know my name? I reached out to cradle her slender neck within my grasp, studying her features as a starving man would stare upon food. Had I met her before and not recall? When had I ever met this beautiful creature? In what life had she graced me with such a smile?

A sweet giggle emerged from her sweet lips, despite the slight blue tinge to them, as she let her hand fall down upon her breast. She was shivering within my grasp and I immediately brought her closer against me, trying to give her my warmth. It would not do to let her catch her death of cold, I had to bring her somewhere warm...

"I'm fine good doctor," said the beauty within my arms. "I always knew I would find you here in heaven..." She continued to smile as her eyes grew unfocused and she drifted off to sleep, a sigh of contentment slipping past her lips.

Confusion and wariness warred within me, the fact that this woman could be the witch caused the hesitation. She had known my name, spoke to me as if she had known me before... but the trust that had been in her eyes. I had never seen such trust from another person directed at me... She _trusted_ me.

Without a thought, I grasped her beneath her knees and back and lifted her from the ground. She was terribly light, lighter than I expected. Did she not eat? My worry grew for the young woman and I brought her closer against my chest, not caring of the strange clothing she wore that soaked my own. I heard her sweet sigh once again and she moved her face within the crook of my neck. She nuzzled my neck and her warm breath fanned across my skin, sending a pleasant and unfamiliar sensation through me. I didn't dwell on this feeling as I hurried away from the Thames and toward the nearest inn that I knew would ask little questions for a good price. I had to get her someplace warm and into dry, appropriate clothing. I had to come up with a likely story as to why I carried a soaking, sleeping maiden within my arms.

I glanced down at the woman in my arms and swallowed back the tightness that had grown in my throat. The sudden protective instincts that grew within me for this stranger was like nothing I had ever known... What _power_ has this creature placed upon me?


	4. Safe

_(A/n) I got some favorites and alerts! Special thank you to CarlisleCullen1645 for the wonderful feedback! I appreciate your input. :)_

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><p><em>Chapter 4: Safe<em>

_**Carlisle**_

I had taken her to a pub I knew well, one in which the owner was one of the few honest people left in this city. It was close to the edge of one of the worst neighborhoods in London but the local vagabonds and cutthroats didn't target this tavern, not if they wished to get into deeper trouble then they already in. The owner was the the only living child of a well known thief and there were still plenty in this neighborhood who kept their loyalty to her father.

The owner was a buxom woman by the name of Lucy. She always had a welcome smile for those who meant no ill will and she was one of the few people I could trust to call my friend. Her place was a welcome respite from the stifling confines of my father's home, a welcome retreat from the nightmares of the hunts that I had to lead. She was there with a open ear and a foaming tankard of beer to dull the senses. However, today I came for a different reason and I prayed that she would welcome this young, beautiful stranger into her home.

Lucy would ask no questions and she would care for the young woman, of that I was sure. I was not disappointed. The moment I entered the pub I heard Lucy's customary greeting, a rather loud greeting meant to sail over the noise of her drunken patrons. I kept the sleeping beauty close against my chest as I stood by the door, catching Lucy's eye.

"Carlisle, what are you doing here?" Her welcome smile had faded slightly as she caught sight of the soaking young woman in my arms. Her smile completely disappeared as she took in the sight and immediately moved away from the bar. "Good heavens... Don't just stand there, get in here!"

She called out to one of her girls to man the bar before she beckoned me to follow her through the the back door to where I knew her private quarters were. I was grateful that the majority of Lucy's patrons were too drunk to pay any mind to us. I hurried after Lucy, my boots thudding against the wooden floor as I followed her through the door.

Lucy closed the door and turned her attention my way, her green eyes studying mine before they flicked down to the young woman in my arms. "Carlisle, who is this? What's happened to her?" She moved around me and beckoned me to follow her once more, taking me down a small hallway to a spare room she kept for her most trusted companions. It was a small room but comfortable that had a single, small window set high upon the wall that looked out to the neighboring building. A nightstand with an unlit candle rested beside the bed and a pitcher and water basin was set on a wooden dresser across from it. I followed after her, watching as she immediately pull aside the sheets to the bed. I set the young woman down upon the bed and watched as she let out a gentle whimper in protest, her small hands clinging to the lapels of my coat.

I sat down upon the bed and brought her close to me, wrapping her within the warmth of my arms. I ignored the pleased feeling that wrapped around my heart as the young woman buried her face within the crook of my neck once again. I let out a sigh, ignoring the thudding of my heart as I glanced up at my friend. "I do not know Lucy. I was looking for signs of a witch that was rumored to be lingering about the river. I found her climbing out of the Thames, soaked to the bone..." I looked down at her and my fingers moved of their own accord, gently brushing away the damp, dark hair from her heart-shaped, pale face. I didn't mention the fact that she had known my name, that was one bit of information that I wished to keep to myself. I brought my gaze back to Lucy, my arms bringing the young woman closer against me. "I had no idea where else to take her. You're the only one I trust who can watch out for her. I fear she may be in trouble..."

"Judging by her clothing, I'd say she was not from around these parts..." Lucy's green gaze lingered on upon the woman's face and her face softened considerably. "Such a pretty young thing... What could have happened to her?"

I didn't respond to that, I simply held the beauty close against me, not noticing the knowing look that was upon Lucy's face.

"Well, we can't leave her in those wet clothes, she'll catch her death." She moved closer to the bed and started to pull off the one remaining shoe the woman had upon her left foot and then the strange, thick white stockings. "I'll see if one of my girls has some clothing and shoes they can spare." The sight of her feet caught me slightly off guard and I focused upon the woman's face instead, trying not to notice the feeling of warmth that welled up in my heart. She was still clinging to the lapels of my coat and she was murmuring something in her sleep, her warm breath fanning against my skin. I lowered my head, catching a few of her words.

"Don't leave me... please," she whispered, her hold tightening as she tried to bring me closer. "Please..."

"I'm here," I said in reply, the words leaving my lips before I could stop them. "I won't leave you. You're safe here..." I tucked her hair behind her ear, not noticing that Lucy had left the room. I continued to hold the woman close, urging my body's own warmth to calm her trembling body. "You're safe..."

Her whimpers had faded and she began to relax in my hold, whatever nightmares that had plagued her had been chased away for the time being. I said nothing else, afraid to wake the sleeping one in my arms. I only held her close, closing my eyes as I tried to piece together these strange and sudden feelings for this woman. I had never felt anything like this before...

She sighed again and I shifted slightly so that she was laying comfortably tucked against my side. I ignored the skipping beat of my own heart, instead focused on the feeling of hers thudding strongly against her breast. Occasionally she would whimper in her sleep and every time I gently shushed her, whispering that she was safe. And she was...

For I knew that whoever this young woman was, there was some strange power that had bound my heart to her. I would never allow anything to harm her if I could help it. Such strange thoughts from only looking into a pair of brown eyes... I did not even know her name. I hoped that when she awoke she would tell me. I hoped that she would refresh my memory as to where she had met me before... And I prayed, how I prayed, that she look at me with that trust in her eyes once more.

I would keep her safe, I could feel it in the very center of my soul. This need to protect her, to heal her of whatever torments that gripped her... I would make sure that from now on, she was always kept safe...


	5. Awakening

_(A/n) I've gotten much love and I am so thankful to you, my readers, that find my short chapters are still enjoyable. Much appreciation and very special thanks to xoxlisa101xox for being so lovely in your review and Ivorygirl1990 for leaving a wonderful feedback. I hope this chapter brings enjoyment._

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><p><em>Chapter 5: Awakening<em>

_**Bella**_

I felt a wet cloth upon my brow, a gentle dabbing bringing me to the world of the living. I groaned slightly as my body became aware of the aches and pains of my muscles. Huh, pain. I guess I was not as dead as I hoped. I was laying in a less than comfortable bed, of that I was certain. It didn't feel like any mattress I'd ever laid in. I shuffled gently, voicing my discontent as a few pricks of whatever filled the mattress poked at my bare legs.

Wait, bare legs?

My eyes snapped open and a gasp emerged from my lips, the scratchy blanket that hid my nudity falling away from my breasts as I sat up abruptly. Grabbing at the rough material, I quickly brought it back up to hide my nakedness, my gaze flying about the strange, small room before they landed on a rather buxom redhead. She was standing to my left, her green eyes were staring down at me in concern. She was dressed rather strangely, an outdated dress I had only seen in the art of European history books. The tight corset of her dress enhanced the very ample cleavage she had on display. She looked to be in her early thirties and was quite pretty. In her hand, she held a piece of wet cloth that she must have used to wipe the sweat from my brow. She quickly placed it back in the basin that was on the nightstand and held out a hand in a calming gesture.

"There now lass, don't be frightened. You're safe now."

_Safe, I was safe..._

Those words, graced with an old English accent I had never heard before, pricked a memory in my mind. A gentle voice that whispered to me in my dreams that I was safe. The voice came with a face, an unlikely face that belonged to one Carlisle Cullen. A flash of blue eyes and flushed cheeks was not what I had been expecting to remember. Carlisle had looked human... He was _human_... I had to have been dreaming. Never once would I have imagined to think of Carlisle as anything but the leader of the vampire coven I had known. He was supposed to be pale beyond anything with ice cold skin. He was supposed to have golden eyes...

"I..." My voice was a mere croak and I swallowed back the dryness that had found its way to my tongue. I looked at the woman, clutching the rough blanket closer against my chest. "I don't understand... Where am I? Who are you?"

The woman tilted her head slightly, confusion evident in her green eyes. She was watching me as if she had never seen anything like me before. "You're at my pub dear, safe in my private quarters. My name's Lucy." She continued to study me, those green orbs looking as if straight through me. "Do you remember where you are? You were found climbing out of the river by a good friend mine. He brought you here."

Carlisle's blue eyes came to mind right away, the worry I felt never once overcoming what I was sure must have been surprise on my face. A deep blush found its way into my cheeks, a healthy sight for one such as myself. A river... I climbed out of a river? The last thing I remember was jumping into the _ocean_. I never would have thought the ocean would lead to a river. That was unheard of, I was certain of it.

"I know who I am... I just don't know _where _I am."

The woman named Lucy moved closer to the bed and kneeled down so that she could see me eye to eye. "You're in London dear. You must have fallen off one of the merchants' boats passing through on the Thames..." She didn't say anything else to that comment, most likely she was trying to find a reason for my accent, which was very different from her own.

I swallowed back the dryness, wishing I had fresh water to sooth my aching throat. "I can't recall..." I said in reply, a light frown touching my features as I tried to figure out how I wound up in London of all places. London was a far cry from La Push... What had happened?

"Well, what is done is done," said Lucy, getting back to her feet and moving over to a dresser where a simple dress and corset were laid out. "What is your name dear? I have to call you by something."

I hesitated at this, my name... I had always gone by Bella but now, after all I had gone through, it seemed so inappropriate to call myself that. I wasn't that girl anymore, she died that night when _he _had so cruelly tore the heart right from her chest. I held my head up high, my shoulders straightening back, trying to get as much dignity as I could despite my current nudity. "My name is Isabella."

Lucy had grabbed the clothing and set a pair of cloth slippers on the wooden floor beside my bed. She glanced me and a gentle smile appeared on her face. "Isabella? I've never heard of that name in these parts. That explains your strange accent. You're not from around here, are you?"

I shook my head in reply, not trusting myself to respond in words. Judging by the clothing she laid out for me, judging by her own clothing, judging by the candle that rested on the nightstand beside the water basin... Not only was I not from here but it seemed I was not even in the right time period. I couldn't say for sure but this place had nothing of the modern comforts I was used to. There was nothing electric present and, try as I might, I could not spot a light switch or a plug in the wall anywhere. My worry was growing... _What had happened?_

"You seem all right. You haven't ran a fever and the color is coming to your cheeks." Lucy reached out to brush the hair back from my face. I didn't flinch away from her touch, I actually yearned for it. I sensed that she was the one soul who could truly who help at this time, in this place. "Your clothing was soaked through so I had to get you out of them before you caught cold. I have this dress and some shoes here for you."

I glanced at the clothing. It was much like her own, a dress that was brown in color and slippers that looked to be made of the same cloth with leather soles. There was a corset made of the same material, with a low, broad neckline and dropped shoulders to display the length of one's collar bones. It was simple in its material but it had an elegance that I was not used to. The corset I was dreading to wear but it was something I could not be seen out of if I wanted to leave this room.

I gave a nod in reply, a faint blush ever constant upon my cheeks. "Thank you so much but... I've never- I'm not quite sure how to..." I trailed, the awkwardness that I felt as plain as day. I've never worn a dress such as this. It was not something one wore in the 21st century. She was not to know that of course...

"How silly of me, I should have realized that." Lucy gave a kind smile a she moved to grab the dress from the bed. "You were brought in here wearing men's _breeches_ of all things... But I'm sure where you're from that must be common." The look on her face was confused, as if she were trying to figure out where in this world women would wear pants like men. She was right though, it was common where and _when _I was from. "Come on then, I'll help you get dressed."

I was wary of the thought but had little choice in the matter so I got up from the bed and learned how to dress myself in a very old fashioned style of dress from London. She had brought back my bra and panties before I tried on the dress. They had dried quite nicely and it felt good to have something familiar of my own. She seemed to like them quite a bit and commented about the rich quality of the cloth. I suppose cotton would be exotic in this place, whenever this place was. I knew either I had to be dreaming or I had truly died and was reborn in some other world.

I wasn't so sure about the dreaming, the painful tightness of the corset brought that theory straight down. The dress fit rather nicely though, whoever was the original owner must have been the same body type as my own. I wondered if I might have died, it would have explained this strangeness I was in now. However, why were my memories still in tact of my old life?

Lucy made quick work of my hair, bringing it back into a bun at the nape of my neck, allowing some natural curls to fall about the temples. It was similar to her own style so I assumed this was normal for the women here. As she added a few more pins to hold the bun in place, I slipped the shoes upon my feet. They were slightly loose but they would have to do. Better than barefoot I suppose.

"There now, you look much better," said Lucy, taking a step as she eyed her handiwork. I had to admit, though I had no mirror to see how well I looked, it felt rather nice. I was never a girly-girl but I had to admit it looked nice from what I could see for myself.

Lucy smiled at the pleased expression that must have been on my face before she reached to take my hand. "Well then Isabella, I'd say you're quite well to move on your own. What say we get you something nice and warm in your stomach to get more color in your cheeks."

I smiled at Lucy. I was becoming quite fond of the motherly ways of her. She reminded me, with some sadness, of Esme. Not with her looks, but with the air about her. I gave a nod, not trusting myself to speak still. Lucy simply nodded and led the way out of the small room and into a smaller hallway. I followed her through a simple living area to another door that led into a small kitchen.

When we made it into the kitchen, Lucy released my hand and moved quickly to a large fireplace that had a pot of boiling stew over it. She had grabbed a wooden bowl and was pouring some of the stew into it. I walked into the kitchen and sat on one of the old stools that were in front of a large, wooden table in the middle of the kitchen. Lucy moved efficiently about the kitchen as she grabbed what looked like a few spices to add to the stew before setting the bowl down in front of me.

"There you are child, eat your fill and gain your strength back."

I smiled again at her, rather grateful that someone so kind would take me into her home. She had set a wooden spoon beside my bowl and I took it without complaint. The stew was actually quite good, it had pieces of meat in it that tasted like chicken but I couldn't say for sure. It was best not to think of it. My appetite was surprising though, I hadn't felt such hunger in such a long time...

While Lucy had taken a seat on the stool beside me, the backdoor had swung open and a deep voice called in. "Lucy, are you there? I came back as quickly as I could."

I glanced up from my meal and suddenly my heart jumped up into my throat. The man who had entered was so terribly familiar to the face I had seen in my dreams. The blue eyes had landed on Lucy first, the face that he was naturally searching for. Then they flicked over to me and my heart, which had skipped in its beat at the entrance of the man, began to beat quicker than before. He was handsome. There was no ethereal beauty about his features, no paleness, no golden eyes... However, he was _still_ so handsome.

The rosiness to his cheeks brought a very endearing quality to the memory of the man I knew. His golden hair was still the same as I remembered but much longer, ending to just above his shoulders. His blue eyes could best be described like those of the cornflower, so incredibly blue it took one's breath away. It was Carlisle Cullen. All memory of the father figure that I knew was obliterated at the sight of the very human man that stood before me now. Not because of the way he looked but because of the way he _looked_ at me_._ The intensity in his gaze made the hole in my soul shrink ever so slightly and it brought the telltale blush to my cheeks.

I didn't notice how Lucy glanced between the two of us, a knowing smile on her face. She focused her gaze on Carlisle, her green eyes dancing with mischief. "There you are Carlisle, I was getting worried." She didn't elaborate as to why she was worried and I didn't look at her to find the meaningful look on her face. My eyes were solely on the very human male that had moved slowly into the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

"I think you remember the young lass you saved from the river yesterday," said Lucy, the sound of a smile could be heard in her voice. "Carlisle, this is Isabella."

Carlisle's very blue eyes remained focused on my brown ones and I found it very difficult to breathe.

"Isabella," said Carlisle, the lilt of his deep voice sounding so very similar to the way he had said it on that long ago day in the hospital, in a different time. He had moved to stand by the edge of the table across from me and his lips moved up in a smile that made my blush grow even deeper. "I am glad to see you are well."

It wasn't a dream... A very human Carlisle had been the one to bring me here, to bring me somewhere safe. It was such a sobering thought. A human Carlisle meant that I was in a place far from what I knew, in a time very far from when I was supposed to exist. Something had happened when I jumped off that cliff, some strange turn of fate, some strange force that had answered my prayer... It had brought me to a person who I knew I could trust. This wasn't heaven nor purgatory, I knew I was alive from the feel of my own beating heart. I had awoken to a place and time I had only imagined when _Edward_ had told me Carlisle's story...

The only thing I could think of was how? How had this happened?

I continued to stare at the slightly older man in front of me. There was none of the wisdom in his blue eyes that I been accustomed to seeing in his future, immortal self. He was a truly young man, he had to be at least 22 or 23 years of age, old enough to know of his world but still young enough to have some innocence about him. This was Carlisle before his change, before he felt damned...

The hole where my heart had been still simmered, still felt so raw, but the burning I had always felt around the edges seemed to cool beneath the intense gaze Carlisle Cullen was giving me at this moment. He wasn't looking at me as his daughter or even a sister... He was looking at me as I had seen him gaze at Esme. He was looking at me like a woman...

It was with this gaze that my perception of reality shifted and some link had begun to form, taking root in the hole I carried. What was this nameless feeling that had taken root in my soul? Whatever it was, it was _nothing_ like dazzling feeling that _boy_ had instilled in me. No, this was much deeper, much more intense. And I was deeply afraid of it...


	6. Isabella

_(A/n) Much thanks to those who faved and alerted and reviewed. I am terribly sorry for not updating but I work a full time job which includes 12 hours of my days. I am usually too tired to sit down and type but after a lovely PM from Ivorygirl1990, I had to. Again these chapters will be short, I don't have much time to write at all._

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><p><em>Chapter 6: Isabella<em>

_**Carlisle**_

The moment that Lucy had told me that I had to leave the room so she could care for my sleeping beauty, a tightness had grown within my chest. I didn't want to leave her but it was improper of me to stay. Still, I was hesitant as I had carefully eased myself away from my sleeping beauty, laying her gently down upon the mattress. She had murmured in her sleep for a moment before she settled back into deep slumber, her mahogany hair still damp from the river.

I had glanced at my friend then, who assured me that my young lady would be fine. I couldn't help the pleasant thoughts that emerged at that statement. _My lady..._

I left the young woman in the capable hands of Lucy and made my way through the crowded pub and back out into the congested alleyways of London. I would return tomorrow, after the witch hunt was complete. I was not looking forward to another tense filled silence with my father this evening but for some reason I would find it much more bearable. I suppose the thought of who might be waiting for me made it worthwhile. Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, my sleeping beauty would have awakened...

.oOo.

The hunt that very night had gone as I had thought it would.

There were no signs of the witch, no signs of any of the men to which she had supposedly taken to drown. The only things to be found were the usual drunkards, cutthroats, and prostitutes. I had feeling that was all that it was, a simple tale. However, we had to be ever diligent in our quest and the brothers of our church would not give up. My father would never give up and so, neither would I...

When I returned to my father's home that evening, it was to find my father waiting in the entrance hall for me. He studied me with his pale blue eyes, his dirty blond hair loosely tied with a black ribbon. He had that unkempt, scholarly look about him and his eyes were squinting slightly from poor vision.

"Were you successful?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse from disuse. He never spoke unless he felt it was necessary. It was no wonder our conversations were few and far between.

I pulled my leather satchel from my shoulder and over my head, hanging it on the coat rack beside the door. I carefully took in a breath as I turned to face my father and gave a slight shake of my head. "No Father, there was no sign of the witch this eve but we remain hopeful we will catch her soon."

My father studied me with that calculating gaze of his before he gave a stiff nod in reply. Without a word, he turned away from me and made his way upstairs toward his study. I tried to ignore the very faint feeling disappointment that often welled up at my father's lack of any sort of response. It was something I should be used to but there was a part of me, a very deep part of me, that still craved my father's approval.

I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair before I made my way upstairs to my own bedroom for the evening.

.oOo.

The next day I was awoken by our only manservant in the home. His name was John. He was an middle aged man, deeply religious and filled with contentment with his lot in life. He was quick to set out my clothing for the day, greeted me a cheerful good morn, before he left to fulfill his daily duties. That man was more of a father to me than my own and there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't speak to me about some goings on within the local neighborhood, the church and the city itself. While my own father didn't speak unless needing to, John was the direct opposite. Perhaps that was why my father kept him on staff all these years...

Ignoring any other thought of the people within my father's home, I quickly dressed and made my way down to the dining room to break fast. My father was already finishing with his own meal by the time I had taken my seat down across from him. He barely glanced my way as he rose from his seat and left without so much as a good morn. Again, I ignored the disappointment that pricked at my heart.

I ate my food in silence and left with a quick word of thanks to the maid who was quick to grab the dishes. She bobbed a curtsy in reply and turned away to disappear back to the kitchen. I left the dining room and grabbed my cloak from the rack by the door. I left my father's stifling home and walked out into the streets of our well to do neighborhood. I greeted a few of our neighbors as I walked, moving quickly to hail a growler cab that was making its way down the street. The horse drawn carriage stopped just as I was toward the curb and gave the driver the directions to my destination.

I paid him his pence and climbed into the two seat carriage, closing the door behind me. As I settled myself down into the seat, my mind soon found itself wondering back to my sleeping beauty. Was she well? Had she awoken? I hoped she had not caught cold or worse...

The driver eased his way through the streets of London, edging along the border between the middle class neighborhoods and the less than fortunate areas. The cab came to a stop right where the decent neighborhoods came to an end and I climbed out, knowing that the rest of the way I would have to go on foot. I thanked the driver and brought my hood of my cloak over my head, hiding myself from view. My steps were quick and my footing sure as I wound my way through the familiar alleys that led to Lucy's pub. As I rounded the corner toward the backdoor that led to her kitchen, I could smell the familiar aroma of her famous stew. I smiled at this as I pulled back my hood and gave a quick knock on the door before letting myself in. "Lucy, are you there? I came back as quickly as I could."

I had entered Lucy's kitchen, my eyes immediately falling upon my friend, who was sitting at the kitchen table with her usual welcome smile on her face. My eyes then flicked over to the young woman sitting beside her and my heart nearly leapt at the sight of her. She was dressed properly now and the earthen color of the dress matched so well with the color of her deep brown eyes and hair. The long tresses were now pinned back into a bun at the nape of her neck, revealing the graceful lines of her heart-shaped face. A healthy blush had risen into her creamy complexion as we stared at one another, at a loss for words.

"There you are Carlisle, I was getting worried," said Lucy, watching me with a meaningful gaze in her green eyes. She had known about the witch hunt last night and she was worried me might have actually come across something. She didn't say anything else of the matter though as I moved in a slow manner into the kitchen, closing the door behind me.

"I think you remember the young lass you saved from the river yesterday." The smile could be heard in Lucy's voice, no doubt for the fact that my eyes had not once moved away from the beauty before me. "Carlisle, this is Isabella."

I focused on the beautiful deep brown eyes of hers as a name was finally placed to the face that had awoken these unknown feelings in my soul. "Isabella." I said, moving close to stand along the edge of the table directly across from her, a smile gently tilting the corners of my lips up. "I am glad to see you are well."

Her blush had grown deeper at this and her chest had heaved slightly as she took in a breath. She quickly set the wooden spoon she had been holding aside as her slender throat convulsed. She quickly rose to her feet and I noticed that she stood just a head shorter than myself. She looked to be somewhere close to my shoulder. I found that I rather liked her short stature and the unknown stirrings in my heart began anew. However, they were quickly cast aside at the sudden look of fear that flashed briefly in those doe eyes.

"I-it's a pleasure Carlisle," she said as she started to move away from the table, her voice was graced with an accent that I had never heard of in my life. "I... um... Thank you for saving me." She swallowed again as she turned her attention to Lucy, a desperate look now touching her face. "I'm not feeling well Lucy... I think I'm going to lie down for a while."

"All right," said Lucy, a worried look touching her face as we watched Isabella quickly flee from the kitchen toward the safety of her room. A moment of silence passed before Lucy turned her attention on me, a look of disapproval now replacing the worry. "Carlisle, I love ya like a brother but if you stare at her like that again I'll beat you myself. The poor dear had just gone through a terrible ordeal. She is far from any family, far from her home, and the last thing she needs is a suitor to come sniffing at her skirts."

The blush was in my cheeks before I could stop it and I stared at Lucy, my mouth opening and closing in a bad imitation of a gasping fish. "I didn't- I mean..." I trailed off and sighed heavily, not wanting to dig myself further in this hole I had found myself in.

"I know luv, I don't blame you at all," Lucy said with a gentle laugh. She stood up to gather the empty bowl and spoon, moving to dump them in a wooden tub filled with soapy water. She turned back around to face me as she placed her hands on her hips. "I haven't seen you look at a lass in such a way before. There's something special about that one and I have a feeling she's here for a reason."

"What reason would that be?" I asked, my own curiosity getting the best of me. Isabella was special all right, she had been from the moment smiled at me and said my name...

"I haven't the foggiest," Lucy said, moving around the kitchen as she began to get started on cooking lunch for the day for the pub. "However, there's no denying that there's some powerful force at work here." She turned around then as she brandished a large wooden spoon and pointed it in my direction. "Keep your eyes open and your ears sharp Carlisle, I have a feeling change is coming for you, be it for better or worse." She turned away and moved back to her pot, her frown was deep as she stirred the contents.

I stood there in deep in thought, Lucy's warning bouncing back and forth in my mind. Change was coming... Yet I felt it had already came. The moment my name had slipped past her lips I had become ensnared by the mystery of her. How had she known my name? Why had she looked upon me with such trust at the river only to find fear upon our second meeting? I had seen the recognition in her eyes when I stepped through the door. She knew me from somewhere and I was curious as to where. Oh yes, change had come and her name was Isabella...


	7. Carlisle's London

_Chapter 7: Carlisle's London_

_**Isabella**_

I don't know how long I had remained in that little room, it felt like a few hours, and I was growing uncomfortable. I was quite aware of my urge to have what _he _had called my "human moments." However, there was no such thing as plumbing in this day and age, which I knew with some certainty was 17th century London, England. I vaguely recalled something regarding chamber pots being used but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't too strong in European history for the 17th century. I suddenly wished now that had been my major rather than English literature...

A gentle knock on my door awoke me from musings and I glanced over from my spot in the bed to find Lucy opening the door slightly. She moved in only a little, not wanting to intrude, but the worry was quite clear on her face. "Isabella, how are you feeling?"

I thought about the answer to that question. How was I feeling? Perhaps still numb from all that had happened from my jump off the cliff. It didn't seem to truly sink in that I could have possibly gone back in time. I didn't voice these concerns though as I sat up, reaching up to make sure the pins in my bun had not come undone.

"I'm better," I said, some truth ringing through my words. I did feel better now that I was not under Carlisle's intense gaze. I had no idea why it was I had felt so afraid, why it was that a familiar stirring had begun to take root in the hole inside me. I ignored those thoughts for now, focusing on Lucy's green eyes. "Is he... um..." I trailed off, afraid to bring up the subject of the very human man I had met.

"He's gone," said Lucy in reply as she opened the door wider and moved closer to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. She gave a kind smile as she reached out and brushed away the curls that had fallen across my brow. "He wanted to apologize for making you uncomfortable but he felt it was best if you had heard it from me."

I didn't respond to that. Yet the warmth that had begun to smooth the edges of that hole in my soul grew. How like him to be so kind and considerate of others. It shouldn't have surprised me that he would be so as a human. It was his strongest trait as a vampire, even on that terrible night of my 18th birthday. I wondered if he had thought of me when the family had left me behind...

I quickly put a stop to that train of thought as the familiar, aching pain tried to emerge. I closed my eyes, took in a breath and forced a smile to my lips that I didn't feel. "It was nothing that he did. He just reminded me of someone I knew a long time ago..." I looked away and carefully got to my feet, my heart was beginning to pound with the sudden urge to cry. "Lucy, is there a place where I can -uh... Well, I need to... ah... _relieve _myself."

I tried to fight the blush that was obviously staining my cheeks as I watched the other woman. Her mouth formed a small "o" in realization before she smiled at me. "Yes, of course dear. Come on then." She took me by the hand and led me to her bedroom, which was further down the hall from my room. She showed me where her chamber pot was, which was clean, and left me to my privacy. I was grateful Carlisle had brought me to a place that had very basic comforts, basic being the key word.

After all was done, and I tried to be as clean as possible, I went out to meet Lucy in the small living area of her private quarters. She was dressed in a dark brown cloak and she had a matching one in her hand as she stood waiting for me. "I have to go to the market to get some fresh fish and place a few orders for a delivery. Did you want to come? It would do you some good to get some fresh air."

I smiled in reply and nodded as I took the cloak, wrapping it around myself and tying the knot securely about my neck. I followed Lucy out of the door that led from her private quarters and to a different area of the building. Loud conversation reached my ears and I was surprised at the amount of people that were gathered in an area that looked to be a pub. Many of them were men who were drinking tankards of foaming beer. They hollered a drunken hello to Lucy as we passed them while a few barmaids helped to serve more beer, kept the men company or cleaned up empty tables.

Lucy waved hello to those she knew but continued on her way out through the front door. I followed quickly after my companion and I was quickly swept up in the narrow alleyways and backstreets of London. I was surprised at the amount of people, who looked quite rough and hardened through whatever their lives had taken them, had greeted Lucy as we passed with a tone that could only be called respect. I wonder what my companion did to gain such respect from such people? I knew that if I wasn't with Lucy, I would have quickly found myself robbed of my very clothes or worse...

I didn't think of how worse my luck could have turned out if Carlisle had not been the one to find me. Perhaps it was meant to happen? I didn't know. I pushed those thoughts from my mind as I followed Lucy toward what looked to be a small market area that was set up along the docks of a large river. I could see large groups of men, women and children of all ages as they made their way to and from this area. As we neared the market, I studied the surrounding buildings and a memory welled up from the recesses of my mind. A familiar scene that I had been shown within the study of one Carlisle Cullen...

It had been on the far left side of his high ceilinged study in the Cullen home. It rested upon the wall when you faced the door. It was a small, square oil painting in a plain wooden frame that was painted in varying tones of browns, grays and blacks. It had depicted a miniature city filled with steeply slanted roofs and thin spires that had been atop a few scattered towers. A wide river had filled the foreground and there had been a bridge that crossed it, its structures resembling what had looked like tiny cathedrals. _H_e had been the one to tell me Carlisle's story when this picture had been shown to me. Though the memory brought that familiar pain, I was suddenly grateful. I had seen this area before.

The very thought that I was now walking through Carlisle's London struck a cord within me and I knew, without a doubt, that I had was not dreaming and I was not dead. The good doctor was indeed very human and very much alive as I was. The possibility of it nearly boggled my mind. The only questions were how had it had happened? What force had answered my desperate prayers within what had been the last moments of the life I had known?

Again, I didn't have the answers to those questions but I was quite aware that my existence here where Carlisle lived as a human could not have been an accident... Could it?

My thoughts were thrown to the side as Lucy took me by the hand once again and dragged me over to a merchant who had a variety of fish on display. I couldn't help the smile that touched my lips as Lucy began to haggle with the fisherman about the price of the fish, her green eyes growing fierce with determination. She looked to be the type to get what she wanted. She reminded me so much of Alice at that moment...

Pain erupted at this thought but I ignored it as I always did and simply watched my companion as she successfully talked the fisherman down to a reasonable price for a bundle of fish for dinner that eve. I was suddenly grateful to Charlie for always fishing on the weekends on the reservation and bringing them home. Cooking fish was something I was quite good at and I was sure to be of use to Lucy in some way at least...

.oOo.

Despite the situation I had found myself in, despite my homesickness for my father, for Jacob, even the pack... I was enjoying my time living under Lucy's care. I learned quickly over the past month that my culinary skills were quite acceptable to the patrons of Lucy's pub and I was soon in charge of all of the meals being served to her customers.

Lucy, herself, was a breath of much needed fresh air.

Without the fear of Victoria hanging over my head, I felt that I could finally let my guard down. At least when I was here with Lucy. She was so motherly in her ways and sometimes she acted as if she were an older sister to me. The girls that worked in her pub (and who earned an extra on the side for obvious ventures) were quite willing to take me under their wing and showing me the way to know their little piece of London better. I felt as if I almost belonged. Almost...

No, I didn't truly belong here and I was quite aware of that little fact. Yet, it didn't seem to bother my new family that I didn't bring up my past, that I was in no hurry to find my way back home. Like them, I was an outcast who had found a place among them. I was glad they never asked questions.

It was a shame that Carlisle was not the same way.

He had been visiting the pub nearly every night for a tankard of beer. I knew that was not the only reason he was stopping by so much. The girls were aware as well. They teased me slightly for it at having caught the affections of the pastor's son. Apparently, he was well known in these parts as a hunter of demons and he was welcome, if only for the protection he offered against the supernatural.

It brought an uneasy feeling within the missing part of soul where my heart at been.

He was human. I remembered his story well and how he had become the vampire I had known. He was human now and he looked slightly younger than he did when I had first laid eyes on him. Did that mean he would become what he most feared soon? My worries began to grow even worse as every day that had passed that month, he was there in an attempt to speak with me. I saw the longing in his deep blue eyes and I recognized that look as one he often had when he had looked at Esme...

I didn't want to diverge him from his destined path. He had to meet his mate and he had to be there for his family in the future. Even if I was not meant to be a part of it.

I couldn't allow the stirrings that had begun to grow within the hole in my soul to cloud my judgment. I could feel the hole closing ever so slightly with every smile and every kind gesture that Carlisle blessed my way. However, I couldn't... I just could not allow myself to feel anything for him. Even if I didn't see him as a father figure any longer...

At the time I had arrived, it was in late summer and after the month that had passed, autumn was soon to arrive. I had managed to keep my distance from Carlisle so far and I felt that I could manage to do so if fate remained on my side. At least until I was able to find a way back home...

However, fate had other ideas for me. As it had made itself perfectly clear the day I jumped off that cliff...

.oOo.

It had been a slow afternoon and not many customers has stopped by for lunch.

I was preparing a meal for the crowd that would undoubtedly arrive for supper that evening when the backdoor to the kitchen opened. I recognized the sound of the boots as they stepped across the hardwood floor. The door closing behind him didn't deter me from my task at hand but I was quite aware of the the very male presence behind me.

Taking in a breath, as I carefully sliced the meat I had been preparing for the dinner, I kept my gaze focused on the task at hand. "Hello Carlisle."

The scraping of a stool was the only response I got and I heard the wood creak in protest to the weight that it now bared. A heartbeat passed and then Carlisle's deep voice crossed the space between us and made the hole in my chest grow warm. "Isabella." His voice always seemed to caress my name whenever he greeted me. I loved the sound of my full name coming from his lips, much to my deep regret. "Good afternoon."

I continued with my slicing, trying my best not to focus on the energy that was crackling between us. I ignored my pounding heart as I set aside the meat and continued onto the breast of the chicken I was now skinning. Silence fell heavily but neither of us seemed to wish to even break it...

_Attraction... _

_Danger..._

_What is the name of this feeling that pulls me toward you?_

_It couldn't be love... I couldn't love anyone anymore..._

_No, love was not the name of this intense emotion that welled within me every time I saw you..._

_This was much deeper..._

_My soul cries out to you..._

_Please... this danger calls..._

_I don't want to fall alone..._

The sharp pain that touched my finger brought a sharp gasp from my lips and I winced as I dropped the knife to the counter, the meat forgotten. The rusty, salty smell of my blood brought a familiar nausea and I closed my eyes to avoid looking at my own wounded finger. Great... No antiseptic to keep it from getting infected...

Without hesitation, I felt a warm, gentle hand grab my wounded one and it was brought close to a familiar face. Carlisle studied the shallow cut on my forefinger, his blue eyes filled with worry as he gently turned it this way and that. He then pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of his coat and wiped the blood away. He pulled me over to the wash basin and pulled down a brown bottle that I knew held some strong liquor Lucy was fond of. He removed the stopper to the bottle and poured a bit of the liquor over my cut.

I winced at the stinging but didn't voice my complaints. It was as close to clean as I could hope and I was grateful that Carlisle had known what to do. He then, to my surprise, ripped a piece of his handkerchief off and used it as a bandage, tying it around my wounded finger.

"There, no harm done," said Carlisle as he kept a firm hold on my wounded hand, his deep blue eyes focusing so intently on my own. My breath had caught in my throat and I knew the forces I had tried so hard to fight against had won. I was lost... and I cursed myself as the hole within me shrunk a little more...

I was lost within those blue eyes and I knew I had no way of ever finding myself out of them...


	8. To Fall in Love

_(A/n) Please forgive me for the lack of updates. My life has taken a drastic turn and depression has become a constant companion for me. I hope for those who still follow this story will still be interested. I am at a place that I can now sit down and write something again. To bury myself in these characters might help me. Thank you to all who favorited, alerted and of course reviewed. _

_Update: Fanfic was not allowing this chapter to show for some reason._

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><p><em>Chapter 8: To Fall in Love<em>

_**Carlisle**_

Over the past month, I had found myself being drawn to the pub that Lucy owned on more occasions than in the past. The reason for my sudden need for a tankard of beer remained out of sight of the patrons and within the protective group of the women who called Lucy's pub their home. I was welcomed within their home if only for the fact that I had proven myself trustworthy in the past. However, the young women knew that I was but a man, a kind one, but one none the less. They didn't trust my sudden interest in their newest charge, not that I blamed them.

There was always a chaperone standing guard over the kitchen where Isabella remained hidden away, cooking meals for the pub's patrons. Her culinary skills were quite good and there were many that wondered who the new cook was. I knew of her, those dark brown orbs had haunted me every day and night from the first moment I saw them.

I had hoped that over time my attachment, my attraction, to Isabella would fade but it had only grown stronger. I still do not know how she had known my name or why she had looked at me with such trust, as if she had always known me. I tried in earnest to speak with her on the rare chances that I did see her when I came in through the back door to the kitchen. She was a terribly shy creature who bore such sadness within her. She moved with the weight of one who had lived a very difficult life, like so many in these parts. I didn't like to see that look upon her... There were times when I would manage to make some small smile shine through and for a moment I caught a glimpse of the woman I longed to see.

Today, however, had brought a change. I had come into Lucy's kitchen and found my Isabella alone. She was preparing some chicken for supper, slicing the meat in such an expert fashion. I was always mesmerized by the sight of her so when she had greeted me I could say nothing else but her name in reply. The fact that she was quite familiar in the kitchen, and looked quite content in such a setting, stirred something within my heart. I could imagine the sight of her within her own home and I could imagine that home being my own... being ours...

I had found myself imagining this often and I found these daydreams to bring a yearning that I had never allowed to come forth. I craved for a family. I craved for the loving attention of a woman. The face of the woman always belonged to Isabella. She was the one I could see spending forever with in this life and the next...

I had watched her as she continued to slice the meat. She had such a graceful way in her movements and I continued to watch her. A light frown had appeared on her beautiful face and she looked to be distracted by whatever thoughts that flowed within her mind. She didn't notice how close the knife was to her hand and the moment the blade had hit her forefinger I was on my feet.

I took her hand within my own and studied the shallow cut while the worry began to grow within me. I pulled out my handkerchief without second thought and wipes the blood away. I quickly pulled her over to the wash bin and grabbed the bottle of liquor that Lucy kept for just such an occasion. Clean water would have been better but it was a rarity in these parts and the alcohol was quite adept as cleaning such a shallow cut as this one. The moment her cut was cleaned, I ripped a piece of my handkerchief and tied it securely around her finger. "There, no harm done."

Her deep brown eyes were focused on my own, her creamy cheeks filled with a delicate blush that made the yearning in my heart grow more intense. I kept a firm grip upon her hand as her doe like eyes flicked between my own and her blush deepened further. "Thank you," she said in a breathless whisper.

My desire only seemed to escalate at that sound, my thoughts taking a less than gentlemanly route as I imagined that sound being repeated in less than proper settings. "You are quite welcome Isabella." I replied, my heart now beginning a skipping beat that refused to slow down whenever I was near to her. With great reluctance, I released her hand and turned to resume my seat at the kitchen table.

Isabella's bosom heaved slightly as her brown eyes darted around the kitchen before settling back upon me. "Carlisle," she began as she turned away to face the counter. She didn't finish slicing the meat, instead she grabbed the cutting board and moved to dump the meat into the waiting pot that rested over the kitchen fireplace. "Have you thought of becoming a physician?" She didn't look at me as she said this but I knew that she was as focused upon me as I was upon her. This invisible force that seemed to crackle with energy between us was a constant presence when we were in the same room.

I studied the few locks of mahogany curls that had fallen loose from their pins to tickle the back of her graceful neck. I fought down the urge to walk over and brush the curls away from that expanse of skin, the longing to press my lips upon that flesh... I wondered if it was a creamy as it looked... I didn't realize her question had remained unanswered until she had turned around to look at me , her beautiful deep brown eyes focusing upon me. I was lost in those brown depths right away and I could see that familiarity within them. That question was significant to her in a way and I mulled it over. If it was one of the clues as to how she had known my name, I wouldn't ignore it. Had I ever thought to become a doctor?

It had never occurred to me. Medicine was not something that had ever caught my attention. It was a rare field for one to find themselves in and only the well to do who could afford taking such a career path. However, to help those in need... I had seen enough suffering here in the slums from sickness and there had always been a part of me that longed to help in a meaningful way than being a pastor's son... Could I?

As my thoughts continued to bounce this new idea within the confines of my brain, Lucy had decided to make her appearance, walking in from the pub area while holding a basket of freshly baked bread from the market. She greeted Isabella with a firm kiss upon the brow before handing her the basket of bread. "Here Belle, be a dear and slice these up for sandwiches for supper."

Isabella had went to grab the basket but not before Lucy's sharp green eyes caught sight of the bandaged finger. She quickly set the basket on the counter and snatched the wounded hand in her own. "What happened?" She asked, her tone being one that brooked no room for argument. When Isabella did not respond she quickly glanced at me and I could only smile under Lucy's familiar, probing gaze.

"Isabella had a slight mishap while preparing the meat earlier. She is quite all right, just a shallow cut."

"Carlisle was quite the physician," said my Isabella, one of her rare smiles playing upon her lips. She focused her beautiful brown eyes on me and I caught that glint of familiarity in them. I noticed it was becoming more frequent now, how she was letting her guard down around me. She trusted me to a point though she had done her best to hide it. However she had known me prior to the day she emerged from the river, it still shown there within her brown orbs. I simply wished she was comfortable enough with me to tell the truth. I hoped to gain her full trust one day...

"Well then," Lucy said, giving Isabella's hand a pat before releasing it and turning her full attention to me. "Thank you Carlisle, you've earned yourself supper this eve."

"If that is all that it takes to earn a free supper remind me to be around to see to more wounds," I said with a teasing smile, my gaze instantly focusing upon my Isabella. She blushed in response but her smile had grown and I felt my own affection for her grow with it. The pulsing energy that always crackled between us seemed to take a life of its own and I was sure that she could feel the pull as well as I. Her blush had grown deeper and her deep brown eyes were reflecting the yearning I felt within my own soul. To fall in love with this woman... I had not realized how easy it had been to fall in love. Then again, it must have been because of Isabella. It was hard not to feel some degree of affection for her. She already had become like a sister to many of the girls that worked here at the pub.

"Don't take that as an invitation to stay here!" Lucy was quick to break through the moment between us, the force that seemed to be binding the two of us together quickly fizzled down though it did not disappear completely. "Go on, out to the pub with ya! We got dinner to prepare and having you here underfoot won't help us to get it out on time." She grabbed a rag from the counter and proceeded to whip at the air beside me. "Go! Out with ya! We'll call on ya if we need ya!"

I was quick to get to my feet and make my way to the kitchen door that led to the pub. However, I managed to glance back at my Isabella and gave her smile that revealed the depth of my affection for her. She was still blushing but, to my intense elation, she returned the smile and gave a wave in goodbye just before Lucy had pushed me out of the kitchen.

For all that was good and holy... I had fallen in love...


	9. You and I

_(A/n) Happy New Year everyone, hope your holidays have been well. Thank you for the alerts, the favorites and a special thank you for reviews. You are all the best for being so kind._

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><p><em>Chapter 9: You and I<em>

_**Isabella**_

I didn't think that my affection for Carlisle would grow to the point that it did.

I could admit that I was only a woman and having a piece of something so familiar to my past- something that was slowly healing the hole in my soul- was incentive enough for me to pay attention. He was meant to be Esme's in the future. Those two were the epitome of love and devotion. I did not want to ruin that...

Yet, this strange link that bound me to him was not something that I could easily ignore. With each day that passed, he was always there at the pub with a ready smile and those cornflower blue eyes alight with obvious affection. The fact that that affection was aimed solely towards me didn't help the links of the binding that had taken root in that hole in me. The links tightened with each moment I was in his presence. His compassion, his gentle nature, his obvious care for those around him in these slums... This was a man who was selfless in a very strong way. Something that Edward could never and _would_ never hope to be.

No, it wasn't hard for me to forget that this man had been like a father to me. I saw him as nothing more than a man now. A man who was quite sure in his affection for me. An affection that was healing the hole and bringing forth emotions I did not think I could ever feel again. Carlisle was healing me from the inside out and the worse part was that I no longer wished to fight it.

I had cried to the heavens that day on the cliff to save me from this hole that I bore. The heavens had answered my prayer by sending to this time and this place. Where Carlisle Cullen, a man of compassion and sympathy, lived as nothing more than a man. A sweet, kind, and gentle man who longed for me in a way that _Edward_ had never dared to. The passion that I had seen within those blue depths was enough to make me breathless with want and need.

It had been two months since I had climbed from the Thames onto these foreign shores and I was more alive that I had been in four months since I had been abandoned on that forest floor. This place, these people and Carlisle... They had brought me back from the brink. Though living in the 1600's was beyond anything I had ever thought I could survive through. I had survived and I had never felt more alive than being here in this simple little pub with these women, with Lucy, and Carlisle...

The very thought of him brought a yearning to my soul that made my infatuation with Edward seem to pale in comparison. I had no idea what it was that I had felt and I struggled with myself everyday over the feelings that were becoming more prominent. I couldn't keep him away from Esme and his family... I couldn't be selfish though I wished... _Oh, how I wished..._

_.oOo._

The day that brought a change was cold and raining.

I had been in the kitchen, as it was my place of refuge and one of the few places I could call my own. I had been preparing a simple lunch for the patrons and the girls who were working in the pub today. I found it to be a relaxing job. Many of the meals were simple and, with the ingredients that Lucy had always managed to haggle from the merchants at the market, were satisfying for the taste buds. I tried my best not to make meals that were bland as they had been before I had come to the pub. Lucy's pub has had a better turn out for customers since I had started cooking for them. It was a compliment to say the least.

It had been the moment the backdoor had opened, and those familiar thudding of boots had made their way across the wooden floor, that I turned with a smile to greet my frequent visitor. "Hello Carlisle."

Carlisle was dressed in a pair of dark breeches, black boots, and a dark black cloak that hid his white shirt from view. I knew this attire well, I had seen it several times before since I made my home here. Carlisle was to go on a hunt this evening and the edges around the nearly healed hole in my soul was quick to twinge in pain at the thought. Every time that he would go out on his hunts, a part of me worried if it might be his last. He was leading these hunts now, since his father was no longer well to do it himself from Carlisle had explained to me. He was willing to follow in his father's footsteps, if only to please the man. I had no idea if each time might be the last that I ever would see him.

When he would come back the very next day, I couldn't help the relief that would flow through me and I was, though I tried my best to keep it hidden, so happy to see him. I wished so much to persuade Carlisle from continuing on these hunts, to save himself from the pain he would go through for the next three centuries. I would then remember that it wasn't my place, despite the strange fact that I _was_ here in this time. I wanted him to find the happiness he would undoubtedly find with Esme, the fulfillment he would receive from having his entire family with him. He deserved that happiness more than anyone and I wouldn't keep it from him. I had promised myself this every morning and it was becoming harder to keep my resolve strong. Especially when he would look at me as he did now, with a deep yearning and love.

He returned my greeting with a large smile as he came in and took his proffered stool that was closest to me. "Isabella, you seem very happy this morning." His deep blue eyes were focused on my own, looking for signs of something that he always searched for when we were near one another. I didn't want him to know of my feelings for him. It would only make things difficult. I always tried to keep my face as blank as possible and it seemed to work. The look in his eyes had lost a bit of their sparkle as he relaxed on the the stool, not finding any sign of the emotions I felt for him.

"I had a good morning," I said in reply, quickly turning back to the wooden counter to finish the sandwiches that I had been preparing. A moment of silence hung between us, the tension thick in the air as it often was when we were with one another.

I could hear Carlisle shuffling on the stool and I wondered what was making him so uncomfortable today. He was usually so calm. The answer made itself known a few minutes later.

"There has been word of vampires attacks in the city lately. We are to go on a hunt this eve. I wanted to let you know in case you do not see me tomorrow. It may take all night-"

My hand froze over the sandwich I had been making, the blood draining from my face. "V-vampires?" I interrupted, the panic that had been rising now giving way to true blown fear.

Carlisle must have heard the tremor in my voice because I could hear how quick to rise from his stool and take a step toward me. He seemed as if wanting to calm me. "Do not worry. They are only rumors, perhaps nothing more. The attacks have been no where near this place."

_That isn't why I'm worried..._

I turned to face Carlisle and I nearly jumped at the fact that he was but a couple of feet from me. He was so tall, it never failed to take my breath away whenever I looked up at him. His blue eyes were focused on my own, a few of his golden locks falling free of the ribbon that usually kept his hair tame. The look in his eyes was so intense, so deep, I found myself lost within them. It had been happening a lot lately and yet I couldn't seem to care less. Carlisle was not dazzling me in the way that _boy_ would have. It was just the kindness, the worry, and above all, the affection that I found there that always entranced me.

I took in a breath to calm my beating heart. "I'm not worried about that. I'm simply worried about you." I looked away, trying not to blush at the fact that I just admitted what I had. "It will be dangerous, if those rumors are true..." I closed my eyes and gently shook my head. "I couldn't bear the thought if anything were to happen to you Carlisle."

At that moment, I felt a gentle hand cupping my chin and I soon found myself staring into his deep blue eyes once more. The look in his eyes was one of deep worry and then a glimmer of hope. I had been reckless and I quickly closed my eyes to keep the sight of my feelings for him from showing. However, the damage had been and he had seen, I knew that he had. For his grip on my chin had grown more firm and I could sense that he was leaning in closer to me.

"Isabella... Look at me..."

The tone in his voice was hard to determine, it seemed so thick with emotion that I couldn't ignore his request. I opened my eyes and stared up at the man that I realized I was growing to love, despite my efforts to keep from doing so. Carlisle's face was so close to my own that his lips were but a hair's breadth away from mine. I nearly stopped breathing at the close proximity. His thumb began to gently brush against my chin at that moment.

"Do not worry over me, my sweet Isabella. I swear to you, and upon my mother's beloved soul, that I will be safe and I will come back to you as I always have. As long as you are safe here, I will have nothing to fear."

I could feel the tears burning at the corners of my eyes and my chin began to tremble.

_If only you knew, my handsome doctor... if only you knew what will await you. You will have a wonderful future with a wonderful woman and family... I will be no part of that, as much as I long to be._

"Isabella," he said, moving closer trail his fingers along my cheek. "Do not cry, please do not. I will be fine. Do not fear my love. All will be well."

I didn't respond to his words, even as the tears began to fall and the hole within my soul began to burn at the edges. I didn't want Carlisle to leave me. I've grown so used to him being the constant presence within my life that I didn't want to let that go. Damn it all, I wanted to be selfish. For once, why could I not be selfish? He was the key to healing this hole, I knew it. Of all of the the places and people in time that I could have been thrust to, I had found _him_. There _had_ to be a reason. I wish there was a good reason so that I could hold on to him without feeling guilty.

However, I couldn't tell him any of the anguish that was building within me though I was sure he could see it as plain as day. He had pulled me within his arms and held me close, softly shushing my cries as he tightened his hold on me. I held onto him as if he were my only life line and I buried my face within the warmth of his chest. I inhaled the steady scent of him, the strong scent that always brought to mind his study in the Cullen home. Old leather and books... As my cries subsided to gentle sniffles, I tried to pull away from him, much too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

I didn't go far before his hand was upon my cheek and he drew my face up to look at him. He wiped the tears away and leaned in close. "You are safe with me Isabella, always safe. Do not forget that. I will do all in my power to keep it that way. If you will have me... I will always stay by your side..."

_Always...? _

_This nameless thing between you and I... _

_It cannot be love... _

_These binding links that tie us to one another, it grows tighter and stronger with each passing day._

_No matter what comes, you and I will always _be...

I didn't know what he was asking of me but I knew that with those words the hole in my soul had finally, after so long, _closed. _My heart had _finally_ healed...

I began to tremble as the emotions that tore through me were of relief and joy. This was so much more deeper than any love I could fathom. I reached up to take his hand and pulled it toward my lips to kiss the inside of his warm palm. My eyes remained focused on his, begging, _pleading..._

Carlisle pulled his hand away from my lips and slowly leaned in close, his deep blue eyes filled with uncertainty. I gave the tiniest of nods in reply to his unasked question and it was all the answer that he needed. Within a heartbeat, he had closed the minute space that had been between us and his lips captured mine...


	10. Close Your Eyes

_(A/n) As always thank you for the reviews, it truly warms my heart. I hope this story is still worth your interest._

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><p><em>Pitter-pat goes my heart...<em>

_Your beauty..._

_Your innocence..._

_Joy is found_

_With every kiss_

_~My Sweet, My Lovely – Plumb_

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><p><em>Chapter 10: Close Your Eyes<em>

_**Carlisle**_

Her lips were sweeter than honey and softer than the petals of a rose...

Oh, yes... To think in such poetry could not even begin to describe the pure magic to which my Isabella's kiss had bestowed upon me...

Perhaps it was because that she returned my affection...

Perhaps it was because the strong bond between us, that strange pull that I had no name for, seemed to tighten even further the moment my lips had come upon hers...

I was _lost_...

I had deepened the kiss, my lips insistent and searching... She responded with the most delicious moan that I had ever heard come from a woman's lips and her lips parted, allowing me to explore further.

_Heaven..._

I had to have died and gone to heaven. There must be no other explanation as to why my Isabella could possibly be returning my kiss...

Oh, but she was and the moment her body had pressed against mine, her desires clear and urgent, I nearly lost myself further...

With great hesitation, I pulled lips away from hers only to hear the faint whimper that she gave in protest. She quickly kissed the highest point that she could reach, even upon her tip toes, and I felt her warm lips against my neck. I nearly came undone.

"Isabella, my sweet beauty, we cannot do this... Not here and not this way." I grasped her by the shoulders and firmly moved her away from me so that I could gaze into those beautiful brown eyes. "I wish no more than to stay by your side throughout the night. However, I will not desecrate your innocence. I will do what is right by you and by the Lord's eyes."

Frustration was the first thing I saw in her eyes, something that I understood very well. However, the frustration gave way to understanding and the love that shown in her eyes made the pull I felt toward her grow more firm. I pulled her back into my arms and pressed a firm kiss upon her head, savoring the knowledge that Isabella loved me as much as I did her.

"I understand," she said in a hushed tone, her arms squeezing me in turn as she buried her face within my chest. I savored the feel of her within my arms, so right and so perfect. "There is just so much that I wish I could tell you... so much that I cannot say."

I tensed in response to that, the questions that had been plaguing me since the moment I had met her now rising up from the recesses of my memory. I kept my hold on her firm as I leaned down to brush my lips against the hair above her ear. "Perhaps as to how you knew my name?"

She froze instantly and she pulled her head away from chest to look up at me, her doe eyes wide with panic. "Your name?"

I tightened my hold on her and kept my gaze locked upon hers, begging to share with me. To trust me. "The day when you had climbed from the Thames... You had looked upon me and you had said my _name_. How did you know my name?"

Isabella closed her eyes and shook her head. She tried to break away from my grasp, her hands braced against my chest as she pushed. I would not keep her against her will, I loved her too much despite the mystery of her. I released her and backed away from her to give her the space that she craved.

She seemed surprised at that and her eyes had opened to glance up at me. Her brown orbs were desperate and I knew that she could feel the urgent pull between us. She shook her head and immediately threw herself against me, burying herself against me. She seemed as if she were trying to disappear within me...

My arms wound around her once more and held her close, giving her the support she so desperately needed. Whatever it was that bothered her, whatever it was that she could not tell me, it tied with the reason as to how she had known my name the first day we had met.

She took in a shuddering breath and moved her face so that it was within the crook of my neck. "Give me time... I need more time. I will tell you but I need time Carlisle." She placed a warm kiss upon my neck and tightened her hold on me. "I just need to know that you love me... That you still will even after I tell you the truth."

My heart ached for her and I knew that I would give her all the time that she needed if it meant that she would remain by my side. I pressed my lips against her temple and tightened my hold around her, urging all of my love for her within that embrace. "I will give you all of the time within my life if it meant that you would stay with me."

She relaxed against my hold but I could sense that she was still hesitant. What had she to be hesitant of? I wished that she trusted me enough to tell me but she begged for more time and I would give it to her. I knew that no matter what she told me I would always love her. I brushed her hair away from her forehead and kissed her once again, letting her know how much I cared for her...

We stood that way for quite some time before the sound of a door opening snapped us out of our little world. We both glanced at the door that led to the private living quarters of Lucy, finding said woman standing in the doorway and watching us with wide, green eyes. A moment of silence passed among us before Lucy let out a huff of laughter and shook her head in amusement.

"I was wondering when you tw- Agh, never mind." She ignored the sight of the two of us within each others' arms and motioned to the counter where Isabelle had forgotten the sandwiches. "I'll need those to be served soon Belle. Let me know when you've finished them." She left without another word, closing the door behind her.

I pulled away from my Isabella, though with much hesitation, and tucked a lock of her loose, mahogany hair behind her ear. "I must go Isabella. I will see you in the morn as promised."

Isabella stared up at me with pleading eyes before she moved close, reaching up to grasp the back of my neck. She pulled my face down toward hers and placed a firm and loving kiss upon my lips. I savored that sweet kiss among the many we had shared today. When she pulled away, she had a fierce look in her gaze despite the blush that stained her cheeks. "Come back to me."

My heart could never deny her and I took hold of one of her hands and pulled it up to place a kiss upon her fingers. "I will my Isabella."

With that, I released her and turned to leave the kitchen of the pub, my heart filled with the love that I bore for my beauty...

.oOo.

The hunt that night was unlike any I had led before.

We were in one of the worst slums near the Thames and the stench was beyond that of anything that could be described. I led the men of my father's church, the brothers who stood strong in belief of the fight against these evil demons. They bore all of the instruments blessed by the church to be used against the creatures but, even as we made our way down a dark alley, I wonder if it would be enough.

This particular night was one that brought a chill.

The rain had continued to fall throughout the evening and well into the night. It had helped to wash out some of the terrible smells of the alley we had found ourselves in but it did not wash out the sight that had lain before our eyes.

"Oh Holy Mother," said one of the men as he staggered back in surprise.

"This be the Devil's work," said another, making a sign that warded against any evil.

I could say nothing in response to the sight before me. There were several women and men all strewn about the alley. They were slumped against the walls of the nearby buildings and leaning against piles of trash. There shouldn't have been anything out of the norm but the sight of their throats ripped out and the look of horror frozen upon their faces. It was unlike anything I had ever encountered...

_Close your eyes..._

I stiffened at the sound of the soft, feminine voiced that spoke just below my ear. The others had walked ahead of me, looking to investigate the signs of the evil that had befallen these people and I knew they could not hear the voice that spoke so gently, the voice unlike anything I had ever heard. Except, I _had _heard this voice before. It had spoken to me that day by the Thames, just before I had found my Isabella...

_Close your eyes against this sight my son... Think of your Isabella and focus on your love for her... She is all that matters at this moment... Do not search for these creatures that had killed these souls..._

"I have sworn to protect lives such as these," I whispered in reply to the voice that spoke to me, sensing the cold presence I had felt that day on the Thames. "I will not stray from my path... With my Isabella here, I must do even more that I can to protect this city against these children of the Devil."

There was no response but I could sense that this spirit, this soul, was filled with sadness.

_If you continue on this path, you will lose her... Can you bear the thought of walking this earthly realm without her?_

I could not respond to this, the thought of losing my beautiful Isabella was like a knife through my heart. If continued on this path that I was on, looking for these demons, it would mean that I would lose the love of my life? I could not fathom such an existence without her. Yet I had _sworn _to the Lord Himself that I would do all that I can to protect the innocence that lived here. To drive this city free of the demons that claimed the lives as those that lay before me... As much as I loved my Isabella, I could not turn my back against my duty. It was this that allowed my love to be safe and to live as happily as she could.

"I _cannot _turn away from this. I _cannot _close my eyes and pretend that this did not happen." I clenched my fists as I whispered to the presence behind me, knowing that it was insane to speak to some dead spirit, some ghost. However, I sensed something about this spirit, a familiarity, a very close _kinship. _This spirit who spoke to me now was one that I had known in some point of my life, I was sure of it.

I felt a ice, cold hand upon the back of my neck, as I had long before on that fateful day by the Thames. It was a touch that was gentle and filled with yearning.

_If this is what you feel, then it is what you must do. However, bear in mind that you _will _lose your love in this life..._

The hand had pulled away and the presence, as quickly as it had come, was now gone. I glanced behind me and saw nothing, only the entrance to the alley that was filled with all manners of garbage. I took in breath as one of the men quickly called out to me, asking me to begin the blessings for the souls that had been murdered so that they may not be wandering spirits upon this plain.

I took my satchel in hand and sent a quick prayer, preparing myself fulfill one of the duties that I had sworn to...


	11. The Witch

_I stare into the bluest eyes_

_Time stands still in your smile_

_You weren't there and now you're here_

_I dreamed of you but I never knew..._

_-_My Sweet, My Lovely ~ _Plumb_

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><p><em>Chapter 11: The Witch<em>

_**Isabella**_

The day had turned to night.

I prepared dinner in a mechanical fashion, my eyes trained on the backdoor of the kitchen. I hoped against hope that Carlisle would come home this evening... I couldn't bear the thought of waiting for him, wondering and worrying. He needed to be home where he was safe against the supernatural.

I paused in the middle of slicing bread, my heart slamming against my breast at the thought. I was _home_. Here in London with Carlisle, I was _truly_ home. Carlisle was home to me. I didn't want to lose that.

I shook myself out the familiar depression that often began with these train of thoughts. I couldn't wonder "what if." Worrying had gotten me no where at this point in life. It was a waste of my time and energy and did nothing to resolve problems. I had to have a plan, something to save Carlisle from the path he was treading. I had to do _something._

I decided to wait until after the dinner rush to venture out on my own. It wasn't until Lucy had gone upstairs to do her nightly rounds of checking the bedrooms and ,making sure that the her girls were safe and sound, that I made my move. Grabbing my cloak, I wrapped it around myself and threw the hood over, pulling it down low over my face. I tied the cords securely around my neck as my made my way out of my bedroom and rushed toward the kitchen. It was empty as I had hoped it would be, not many of the girls ever came into the kitchen since I had claimed it as my own. Even Lucy was a rare sight unless she needed a particular thing to be cooked.

Moving quickly and quietly, I moved toward the kitchen door and quietly removed the latch. I opened the door a crack, aiming to slip through when a voice startled me from my intense concentration.

"Belle, where are you going?"

I tried not to let the disappointment show as turned away from the door to look at Lucy. "I-I... I just needed to take a step outside. A bit a fresh air... I haven't been outside all day."

The look on Lucy's face was knowing as she folded her arms beneath her breasts. "Fresh air, is that all?"

I quickly gave a nod, hoping that my surrogate older sister/mother would quickly buy the excuse and leave me be. I had to get to Carlisle's home. From what I had heard from Lucy and the girls, Carlisle lived right beside his father's Angelican church in an upper class neighborhood quite a ways away from the banks of the Thames. I had a general idea of where it was located but getting lost was quite a possibility. I hoped that the fates that had brought me here in the first place would continue to smile on me and help me find my golden haired doctor.

"Belle, I know you well enough now," said Lucy, the frown on her face deepening. "I know you're worried about Carlisle but going out on your own to find him would be a death wish."

"The people know me here," I said, though a part of me agreed with Lucy. It would have been reckless of me to go out in search of him on my own. I internally cursed that part of myself, the one that still lingered from those dark months before the jump from the cliff. I didn't want to be that person anymore. I couldn't be that person anymore. I had been given a second chance and this was how I would pay back whatever powers had sought fit to bring me to here? Lucy was right. I could not go out on my own in this time and place. After two months of living here, I still thought in the ways of a modern girl.

"I'm sorry Lucy, I wasn't thinking." I closed the door and pulled back the hood of my cloak. "I'm just so worried about Carlisle." I could feel the tears welling in my eyes at the thought of anything happening to him. I had made the choice to be with him, most likely ruining any chance of the future I had known to take place. Ruining any chances of the Cullen family being together... Was I doing the right thing?

The doubts that I had been feeling since Carlisle had left began anew, despite the love I felt for him. Was it my place to keep him from his family? I had asked him to give me time to tell him the truth. Did I have time? I now realized that I was working against the clock. One day very soon, he was going to be bitten and changed... What was I to do then? I was no match against a vampire let alone a coven of them, which I'm sure there was one, maybe even two, in such a large city as this.

I felt a hand tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear and I looked up to find Lucy standing in front of me with an understanding smile. "In the morning, we will pay a visit to Carlisle's home. I am sure he is fine. Do not worry Isabella..."

I managed a small smile in gratitude but could not keep the worry at bay. I would never stop worrying until I saw that Carlisle was safe with my own eyes.

.oOo.

I had never hoped for morning to come any sooner than I had at that point.

When Lucy had come to my room, dressed in upper class finery I had never seen her wear before, I couldn't believe that this was the same woman who but yesterday looked, quite frankly, like many of the girls who marketed their services here. Her gown was that of a powder blue that bore lace all along the shoulder and neckline of the gown, which barely concealed her rise of her breasts. The sleeves fell in an elegant manner about her forearms, the power blue parting and giving way to a separate part of the sleeve that matched with the white of the lace. The gown gathered at her natural waist line before falling away to the ruffles and layers of the style that was current with the times. A simple power blue veil covered her red hair, which remained pinned back and away from her face in a modest fashion.

"We'll need to disguise ourselves Belle. We wouldn't go anywhere dressed as we normally do. I have a dress that will work to pass you off as a handmaiden of mine. We'll be able to visit the church this way with little suspicion."

I didn't question Lucy, she would be able to pass off the role of an upper class lady much better than I ever could. My role would be simple enough: attend to my lady while she wished to address the Pastor in confession.

Little did I know that Lucy did carry a bearing with her.

After I was dressed in a proper and common manner befitting a handmaiden of a common lady, we had left the pub with one of the men Lucy kept hired as a bouncer, so to speak, for protection. Two women walking about the city of London would be an easy target, even in broad daylight. He had hailed a horse drawn cab for us once we reached one of the main streets that led out of the slums. Once safely inside the small cab that smelled terribly of urine, we were off toward the upper class neighborhood that held the residence of my golden haired doctor.

.oOo.

The church was a small building that blended in with the rest of the neighborhood. One would not have thought it was a church if not for the wooden cross that rested upon its door. In fact, it was eerily familiar but I did not have a second longer to look because Lucy had walked off to the building beside it.

I quickly followed after her while our guard remained behind on the street, looking as intimidating as any bouncer you would find in a modern day club. I remained silent as Lucy rapped upon the door of the home beside the church. The look upon her face was hard to determine, she had tucked her hands within her cloak, trying to protect them against the growing chill of fall.

A moment passed before the door had opened and a manservant appeared, a middle aged gentleman who took one look at Lucy and a knowing glint appeared. "My Lady Penington, what a surprise." He held the door open wider, his gaze passing to me before he bowed and moved aside. "Had I known you would be here today I would have alerted the master."

"Thank you John," said Lucy, moving with a grace that came to those who had been born into such household. I didn't allow my suspicion to shine through as I followed after her, trying my best to remain as quiet as possible. I stayed close to my "lady" and kept my eyes cast down upon the ground as she had warned me to do. The less to draw attention and I did not want to draw attention to myself. I only wished to see if my Carlisle was safe...

"My lady, if you wish, I can escort you to the sitting room while I fetch Master Cullen." John cast his eyes my way, that knowing look every present. "Perhaps, your maid would feel more comfortable in the kitchen?"

I could feel the blush rise into my cheeks as my anger rose. Did all lower class women immediately be placed within the kitchen, the laundry room, or bare on their backs bearing children? It seemed to be the case. It was my modern upbringing that made me feel this righteous anger but I was quite keen at keeping it in check. I shouldn't feel as such after working away for two months in the kitchen of a pub but still...

I had no problem as long as the choice was given. When that choice was taken away... Oh, I had quite a bit to say about it. Lucy had heard my opinions often enough when I had no one else to vent to. She took it in stride and, surprisingly, agreed with me on many points. However, she was quite right that the world we lived in would not agree.

I often wondered if Lucy had been born to the wrong time. She would have done wonderfully in the 21st century. She would have put some women to shame with how hard she worked and how motivated she was with the girls. Her pub was one of the few places that women had some degree of equality. They had the choice of what they wished to do, despite their limited choices, and were well protected against people who wished to take advantage of them...

"That would be ideal, thank you John," said Lucy as she glanced at me and gave a pointed look, saying with no words to move along to the kitchen and not say a word.

I bobbed a very ungraceful curtsey and made my way in the direction the manservant pointed. I could hear the footsteps of Lucy and the servant walking away in the opposite direction and hoped that my sister/mother/best friend would be all right. She seemed to be familiar with the manservant named John. Had she been here before?

I had found myself in the kitchen and found a couple of maids already hard at work for the coming lunch to be served. Not wishing to be in their way, I made my way around the kitchen and out the backdoor. I found myself in a tiny courtyard with a little garden that was bearing some fall herbs and flowers. There was no one else about and the silence was quite a step above the din I was normally used to within Lucy's pub at this time of day.

I noticed that the courtyard was shared with that of the church beside it. A little footpath wound its way around the small plot of land and toward the backdoor of the church. I strolled quietly along the footpath, allowing the silence to surround me and bring a much needed calm. The little walk was ideal but a part of me was still worried for Carlisle...

Was he inside the house? Was he sleeping? Awake? Or was he not home at all?

I paused beside the door of the church, a sudden ache building within my heart. The hole had been so prominent there but it was no longer. Carlisle had healed that part of me and that part was aching with need. There was a strong link between the two of us, one that had formed with surprising ease, and I felt his absence strongly now... Why was that?

_He is here sweet one. He is safe... for now._

I gasped as the voice spoke behind me and I whirled around in a vain attempt to catch who it was that had spoken. I caught the glimpse of golden waves on the edge of my vision before it had moved away, a familiar brush of cold fingers on the back of my neck.

I stiffened, knowing that kind of touch and my fear rising up in my throat. How? How could one have found me here? Was I simply destined to always be dancing upon the edge of their world? Was I always meant to be hunted?

_Do not fear my sweet. I will not harm you. My son loves you dearly and hurting you would hurt my reason for existing..._

I felt the cold fingers brushing back the hair behind my ear and lingering upon my neck before resting upon my shoulder. I swallowed back the fear and tried to calm my racing heart.

"Do you know me?" I asked. It was a stupid question but one I had to ask. These were vampires I was dealing with. If one could read minds, one could see the future and another could control your very emotions, what else could they be capable of?

I could sense the presence behind me draw a little closer and a pale arm wrapped around my shoulders, drawing me close against a cold breast. It was a familiar feel of hard, cold flesh and it brought back memories that were best forgotten. I ignored the pain that lingered very faintly along the edges of the healed portion of my heart and waited.

The vampire's grip upon me tightened every so softly in a gesture that resembled an embrace. The voice that spoke was as beautiful and melodic as any of their kind sounded. "I know all about you Isabella and I know why you are here. I only wonder what will come of it? You will find your happiness. My son loves you dearly but I cannot tell what path he will take at this point."

"Your son?" I had heard that phrase the first time but thought nothing of it. The second time was hard to ignore. "Carlisle is your son?"

A gentle hum in response was all I received and the embrace grew a little more tighter. "My son... I remember my son. That soft golden hair, those cherubic cheeks... I remember him within my last moments of humanity." The embrace loosened slightly. "I cannot remember his father... I knew he had loved me dearly but it means nothing to me now..."

"Who are you?" I asked, feeling some connection growing between me and this strange vampire who had not taken my life. It was a rare event outside of the Cullen family. All of the vampires I had come across outside of that coven had all wanted to take a bite out of me. One had almost succeeded...

"They call me the Witch down by the Thames," said the vampire, the tone in her melodic voice taking on amusement. "It's hard to ignore the call of human blood... I take only from those who are sick or bear ill intent." Her embrace tightened once again but I was not frightened by her. She would have harmed me by now if she meant me ill will. "My sisters call me by my given name of Katherine. I hope you will feel comfortable enough with me to call me by name when the time comes." I felt the press of lips upon the back of my head. "My sweet one... You were meant for my son. If he had only waited longer for you... I couldn't bear the sadness that you carried within you. The ache within his own soul had been felt but he didn't recognize you. Why did he not recognize you?" She pulled away at that moment, her hand lingering upon my shoulder. "I knew I had to pull you back where he would _see_ you. You are meant for him Isabella as he his meant for you. I just do not know how it will come to be. I hope I had not made a mistake..."

I could not follow what she was saying but a part of me knew that the reason I was now here was because of the vampire behind me. Carlisle and I were meant for one another... That was not hard to see based on the strong link that I felt whenever we were near each other. Yet, what did it mean to this vampire? What she truly the mother of Carlisle?

I opened my mouth to ask these questions but the hand upon my shoulder stilled. I still had not seen her face and she remained out of sight as she suddenly disappeared, the rush of wind the only given sign of her abrupt departure. I whirled around, looking about the courtyard in a vain attempt in catching sight of the Witch, as she had called herself. Of course, there was no sign...

"Isabella?"

The deep voice that now called my attention quickly cast aside any other thoughts of finding that strange vampire. The link, that mysterious chain that bound me to the one I loved, seemed to pull and tighten in an incessant need to get close. I followed the pull and caught sight of the most beautiful thing I had ever beheld.

Carlisle stood there at the backdoor of the church, dressed in his normal day to day attire. His golden hair fell about his cheeks, which were flushed with the flow of blood, and his eyes were still that beautiful cornflower blue that I adored. He was staring at me as if he had never seen me before but it didn't deter the tug that began, a pulsing bond that ached to be brought together. I couldn't help the small cry of relief that escaped my lips as I ran up the small path and threw myself into his arms...


	12. One Step Closer

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall,_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow..._

A Thousand Years_ – Christina Perri_

_.oOo._

_**One step closer**_

_**Carlisle**_

The moment my Isabella had thrown herself within my arms, my very reason for existing seemed to sum itself up within that single heartbeat. She had looked so relieved to see me, so _happy. _What had brought about this uncertainty within her?

She was acting as if she had not seen me in such a long time... Or as if she had not expected to see me at all.

Her arms around my torso was tight within their grip, her gentle sobs bringing the reality that my heart's desire was longing for me as I longed for her. She continued to sob against my chest, her flushed face rubbing against my shirt as her hold tightened. "You're all right," she said, her throat tight with emotion as she snuggled herself deeper within my arms. "You're all right..."

I held her closer, unsure as to what had brought about this torrent of emotion that now gripped her. "Of course I'm all right," I said, pulling away slightly to get a better look at her. "I had sworn to you that I would be safe." I tucked a finger beneath her chin and lifted her face so that I could look into her beautiful brown eyes. "Isabella, what are you doing here? How did you find your way here?"

Isabella reached up to grasp her hand in mine and rubbed a flushed cheek against my fingers, looking content to simply stand there to feel me. "Lucy brought me. I was so worried about you, I could not focus properly on my duties. I finally had gotten to the point that I had almost went on my own to find you. I had to see that you were all right with my own eyes..."

"Isabella, it is dangerous in the streets for a man let alone a young woman. You could have placed yourself in danger."

"I know," she said in reply, a fond smile touching her lips. "Lucy had caught me before I could steal away and reprimanded me. She understood my worry for you though and had come up with an ingenious scheme for me to see you."

"Ah," I said, giving a nod in understanding. "Lady Penington has made her monthly visit." I caught the look of confusion on her beautiful face and my lips turned up in amusement. "Lady Penington is well known in these parts but not by her true vocation." I pulled my hand away from her face and grasped her hand in my own. I pulled her along the little path to a wooden bench that faced the doorways of the church and my home.

I sat down upon it, pulling her down beside me. "Lucy is a widow. She had been born into a household very well off despite her roots. Her father was, and still is, a well known thief among those in the slums. He had gained enough of a fortune for himself, and those associated with him, that he had risen out of that place. He had made a home here among the upper class and is simply known as a well off merchant. He had married into a well-to-do family and Lucy was the product of that union. Lucy herself had married a gentleman who was well respected in these parts. Sadly, he was taken from her after the good Lord had called upon him. After that, Lucy had moved to the the place of her father's birth, she felt that it was her calling to care for those who were unfortunate to know death in a daily basis." I had continued to hold onto her hand, caressing the soft, creamy skin against within my own callused ones. She was listening to the story of her dearest friend with rapt attention, the tears in those doe brown eyes pulling at my heart strings. My Isabella had such a big heart. I smiled and lifted her hand to kiss it. "Her father comes often to the church to confess his sins and Lucy is a regular monthly visitor as well."

"So that is where she goes when she disappears on those days," Isabella muttered, a thoughtful look appearing on her face. "I never would have guessed, though I had my suspicions from today's trip here. Oh Lucy..." I could see that the love she bore for our dear Lucy had only grown after hearing her tale.

My love for my darling Isabella could only grow more from the mere thought of her limitless heart. She cared for those around her in a way that not many did: Unwavering, pure, and strong. After telling the tale of Lucy's loss, I could not help but feel a slight panic well up within me.

"Isabella," I said as I pulled a little on her hand, that little action causing her to cast those beautiful eyes toward mine. I turned slightly so that I could face her properly, my heart swelling with this overwhelming love for this woman beside me.

How had I lived before she came into my life? I could not recall a single day before hand of ever feeling any degree of happiness before she had looked upon me and whispered my name. It was here, in the little churchyard among the fall herbs and flowers, that I decided to never find out how. She was here with me now.

With the life I had lived so far, and the knowledge and experience I had gained, I knew that every moment was fleeting and brief and should be treasured. I knew that no matter where she was from, no matter how she knew my name that first day, I was irrevocably in love with her.

No, not in_ love_.

Love was too weak of a word to describe this strong, incessant, link that pulsed between us, aching to be bound and joined. Even with love, you could lose it and still move on in life. My father had known and experienced a bond like that between Isabella and me. He had known it with Mother and when he had lost her...

I did not want to lose my moments with the other half of my soul. My Isabella...

"Isabella," I began again, feeling the strength to continue when I felt her hand squeeze mine. "My Isabella... My beauty... I do not want to live knowing that I might lose you. I love you dearly. Be it tomorrow or sixty years from now, I would die happily with the knowledge that I had the privilege and the honor to have you by my side as my wife. Would you consider it?" I studied her expression, trying to see what she thought of my proposal. It was rather abrupt and I had not courted her properly nor had I asked her father or family for their blessing. However, she had no family here and she did not mention anything of her life before emerging from the Thames...

The tears in her eyes was a sign I was not expecting to see but the smile that lit her face was breathtaking and her breath began to hitch as she started to cry. "C-Carlisle..." She closed her eyes and shook her head for a moment, looking as if she was debating with herself. I felt my heart began to sink and released her hand, casting my gaze away... Maybe I had been to presumptuous?

I felt her hands quickly snatch mine in response and she pulled on me urgently, almost desperately. "Yes," she said after a moment's silence. "Yes, I would." Her eyes were sparkling from the tears that now fell down her flushed cheeks and she moved so quickly I could not react. Her lips had found my mine and she kissed me with a fervent need before releasing pressing her lips against the side of my neck. "I love you. I love you so... No matter what the future holds, we have this moment. This present that has been given as a gift to us is what we have. We should treasure it."

I held wrapped my arms around her and held her close against me, the relief flowing through me at the knowledge that she agreed to my proposal. I ran a hand over her mahogany hair and studied her under the light of the sun that filtered down through the clouds above. Under that light, she looked like an angel. She looked relieved, as if whatever had placed doubts within her mind had been swept aside. She looked as happy as I felt and I could not help but feel relieved as well.

"It would seem that you were correct Lady Penington," a familiar, male voice had spoken from the doorway and Isabella and I both jumped apart at the sound of it. "It would seem as if my son has found his wife." We looked to see that my father was standing just beyond the doorway to our home and Lucy was standing beside him with a sparkle of amusement shining in her eyes.

"Father," I said in greeting as I stood up from the bench, keeping hold of Isabella's hand as I pulled her up gently with me. She rose without hesitation but remained close against my side as she saw my father for the first time. "Lady Penington, it is a pleasure to see you again."

"Carlisle," Lucy said in reply, her smile now showing. "I see that you had found our Isabella. Good, it will make this meeting much shorter." She glanced at Isabella and her smile grew warm before she looked once again at me. "I was speaking with your father about your relationship with my niece. I told him of your courting her these two months and of my blessing to your request of betrothal." She turned to my father, ignoring the shocked look that must have shown upon my face, and looked at my him expectantly.

My father looked as stoic as ever but he there seemed to be a spark of something in his eyes as he looked between Isabella and me. It was that shadow, that unseen life that danced in his eyes when he looked upon Mother's portrait. Did he see himself and my mother within us? That bond that had been between them and that is now between Isabella and me... Did he recognize it?

After a few moments of silence, he cleared his throat and looked away from us. He turned his gaze to Lucy and gave a nod. "Very well then. You have my blessing." He turned back to us and, for an instant, the blank look upon his face softened and the corners of his lips turned up into what could have been a smile. My father... he was smiling...

"Welcome, Isabella Penington, to our family..."

.oOo.

Thank you for the alerts and favs and to my reviewers: the swiss miss, GracefulDemon, Paull1jess, Conan in love, Ivorygirl1990, mgomgo5473 and especially erythra-selena, whose story Panta Rhei is one of my favorites.

I apologize for the short update. I did not have secure internet connection for awhile so I could not risk getting my computer harmed. I'll try and update sooner but real life is demanding.

Thank you all and much love.


	13. A Mother's Sorrow

(A/n) This chapter is dedicated to Ivorygirl1990, thanks for sending me a reminder of how my story meant to you.

I apologize for not updating in three months. All I can say is that when real life grabs you, time has no sympathy and fan fictions are not a priority when it comes to making a living.

Hope this next chapter makes up for the last one.

Warning: There is mention of a same sex relationship in this chapter, if you find that offensive please do not read.

* * *

><p><em>Heartbeat so strong,<br>Beating fast holding on._

_Mother's tears falling down,_  
><em>Slowly allowing time to fade round.<em>

_Guilty conscience it's ok,_  
><em>No time for sadness,<em>  
><em>No time for blame.<em>

_Doctors that come bringing sadness and hope,_  
><em>Reality sinks in dose by dose.<em>

_Gentle hand, beautiful smile._  
><em>Nothing like the love of ones child.<em>

_Anger at all that's happened and still,_  
><em>Cannot change what must be gods will.<em>

_Families that circle and bring comfort to all._  
><em>Will share ones strength when the other must fall.<em>

_Stronger men have come and gone._  
><em>While women have wept and stood strong to carry on.<em>

_No matter the distance,_  
><em>Or time and space,<em>  
><em>Heartache will heal,<em>  
><em>And the emptiness fade...<em>

_A Mother's Sorrow ~ Rachel Fogle_

_.oOo._

_Chapter 13: A Mother's Sorrow_

_**Katherine**_

"You've gone again to see him Katherine? He's a grown man now, I think he can live on without you hiding in the shadows. "

I didn't acknowledge the voice that spoke to me as I climbed my way into the upper structures of the abandoned church that my coven called their home. It was located in one of the poorest areas of London and where the homeless, the homeless whores and the drunken wanderers would avoid because of the rumors of the ghosts that lived within. I suppose some humor could be found in the fact that a coven of vampires would find sanctuary within the walls of one of the many abandoned churches within these parts of the slums. However, I learned a long time ago that even the scum and evil of earth would need sanctuary from time to time from the horrors of their own lives. We were no different. A god who had allowed us to exist must show some sort of sympathy toward its own creations at some point, like a mother toward a wayward child.

Though we were demons for taking lives in order to sustain our own, whatever god that allowed us to thrive must love us in some way. The only thing I could think of was to repent in some way, my protecting those who could not protect themselves from the evils of this world. I was lucky in that respect, our coven leader Hilda agreed with my opinions in this particular notion. She agreed that we should not take innocent lives, not like those who had taken ours...

There were some exceptions to the rules. I myself was one of them. If it had not been for my Mary, I surely would have given all of life to that of my son. If my Mary had not been there, awaiting the moment of my assured demise, I would not have remained to exist. Apparently, being found as the true mate of a vampire was a sure way to an immortal life. Of course, notifying said mate of your existence helped your chances as well...

The moment I had given to birth my son and the internal bleeding (that which I nor any of the humans who had assisted in the birth would have discovered on our own) had not stopped, my Mary was there to take me away. She would not allow eternal death to touch me. I was her bonded mate, I was her life, and she did not wish to exist without me. She stole me away the moment all of the humans had left the room, the moment they had taken my son away from me, hoping to save the new life. All that is except that of my husband, the pastor Cullen, and the midwife.

Even now I can hear the hoarse cries of my husband, the shrieking screams of the midwife as what they saw as a beautiful, red eyed demon burst through one of the windows and took me in her arms. I remember, through the haze of pain, as she hissed at my husband and said I was no longer a part of their human existence. I was hers as I was always meant to me...

Then, as the pain in my lower abdomen grew, she stole me away into the night and whispered sweet nothings into my ear. "You are safe my love, you will be all right. You will survive and you will see your son again."

I could only whimper in response before I felt a terrible, sharp pain in the side of my neck. The burning that had erupted from that single contact was like hell fire. Through it all I could hear a heavenly, bell like voice telling me I was safe. I would always be safe... I held onto the last memory I had. That of my son... My beautiful son...

"Victoria, leave her alone. She has gone to see her son all of these years, I doubt she'll give that up anytime soon."

I smiled at Anne, my coven sister, who always rose to my defense. Her own sister by blood and venom, whose name was Victoria, simply huffed in annoyance and flipped her brilliant fiery colored hair, turning her back to me. She resumed her seat by one of the few windows of this part of the church, watching whatever she had been before I came in. Anne simply shrugged in my direction and continued to smile at me, a pale finger twirling a lock of her own mahogany hair. "As always, do not pay her any mind Kate. How was Carlisle today?" She looked at me with expectant crimson eyes, her smile bright and cheerful.

Anne, aside from my sweet Mary and our leader Hilda, was the only other one who supported me in my escapades in seeing my son. She understood well enough what it meant to leave a part of yourself behind. Victoria, as her sister by blood, had been her responsibility in their human lives. She had to play mother and protector of her younger sister. So when she had been changed by Hilda, she could not abandon her sister even when the rest of her human memories had been muddled. Victoria had been the one beacon to shine through the burning of the change as Carlisle had been for me.

Though Anne had been quick to change her sister as soon as her own blood lust was under strict control, I myself did not wish to change my son. I suppose because of my own unique gift I knew what one future held for my son and I knew that his perfect match would not be born for another three centuries. I also knew that I had to allow him to choose for himself what future he wished...

It didn't work well.

He had been turned, as was determined by his choices, and he lived as honorable and honest a life as he could. Though he wished to not take a human life, he still took the lesser of two evils (as I did myself in feeding from those who had lived heathen lives or were sick) and took life from that of creatures who were not aware of their own existence as their human brethren. He could survive.

Many years had passed and he had grown lonely. He had created his firstborn, Edward. His second was one who he would see as his mate in life, Esme. He created two others and gained two more who agreed in his choice to abstain from taking human life. He would acquire the family he had always longed for, that he never had in his own human life. Where the disappointment that he felt from his own father's lack of affection, from my own constant ghostly presence as the wall between them, would continue to thrive, it would fade to a dull throb with this new family.

Here is where the path would diverge and he would not see the true half of his soul when they finally met face to face within the walls of that emergency room. She would see him, recognize a part of him that called to her but she would dismiss it as nothing more than a typical girl's fancy. Instead, she would turn to the one soul who was not meant for her.

By the actions that Edward Cullen had caused, it had broken her. By not being able to recognize the soul bond that she and Carlisle shared, their different paths in life having taken them so far apart, they never found each other. I can also say that to witness the that future my coven sister had to experience, my sister Victoria. Her madness over losing a vampire who was not truly her mate, though she strongly believed to be... The devastation of her actions... I could not allow this future to take place if it was within my power to do so.

I had been given this gift to move through the curves and streams of Time for a reason. My one of two reasons for existing could benefit from this ability: To meet his true mate, to experience the true bonding of souls. I vaguely recalled having experienced something of this as a human with the one who had been my husband and the father of my son. However, I could not completely recall and I am sure that it paled in comparison to what Mary and I shared. I knew that if these two could meet as humans than their bond would be even greater when they were both changed...

Or maybe...

Maybe it was just the wish of a mother who wanted only to see her son truly happy as she had been in experiencing this bond for herself... One who knew the joys of a world that neither he, nor his intended, had truly experienced in their respective times as humans... Maybe it was because of the love of a coven sister who wished to help one of her own to avoid a path that would lead to her destruction...

Had I done the right thing in bringing Isabella back to this time? I felt I did... In order for everyone who was important to me to be happy in the future that I saw, I felt I did...

I had seen the joys they could experience but now that I had interfered in actually bringing Isabella to a time before she even existed, had I done more damage than good? My gifts had succeeded in being placed to some use, mostly in the survival of my own coven. Without my insight, my coven would have perished long ago to the whims of the Volturi. Mostly because of our other coven sister, Heidi... Her gift of drawing in any and every human around was a benefit to our coven and something that other covens of human drinkers would covet. Had I not survived as Mary's bonded mate, my coven would have been destroyed a hundred years ago. Again, my gift had interfered for this one time line, going back and revealing to Mary the existence of her true mate. The reason for surviving being for that of my bonded mate and my coven. They had changed their hunting tactics and Heidi remained as an elusive member, ensured to never be seen by other vampires and ensuring that word of her did not reach the Volturi.

I did not what my new family to be destroyed. I always remained on watch for the Volturi and always remained sure that my sisters were careful in their choices. Especially for Heidi, she could not draw attention to herself or to us. They had survived and my Mary had come for me as promised. I had changed one future for the benefit of another. It existed still in another time line but this one that I called my home was my own. I was happy and would only be happier the moment my son found his own.

All of these thoughts that had processed through my brain happened so quickly that I did not delay in answering Anne's question concerning my son. "Carlisle is happy. He has asked Isabella to be his wife."

A squeal reached my hearing and the next moment I was swept up in a tight embrace, Anne's mahogany hair obscuring my vision. "Congratulations! You have a new daughter I hope?" I could only nod in reply as Anne pulled her head away took look at me and then I was once again swept up in a tight hug and swung around. "I'm so happy for you! When is the betrothal ceremony? And when is the wedding to be planned?"

I laughed gently as I pulled away from my sister and brushed away the locks of my golden hair from my eyes. "I don't know. I had to leave the moment his father and Lucy had come into the yard of church."

"Ah, Lucy," said Anne, nodding in understanding as she studied me, her crimson eyes filled with sympathy. Of all the people that my son could have called a close friend, the one who had proven herself most loyal also happened to be my singer. "Well, I suppose that means you will be going out tonight again."

I gave a nod in agreement, knowing that I had to remain close to my son in order to witness the path they were treading. So far, his continued path remained toward him being changed and if that happened that would mean I would have to interfere if only for Isabella's sake. She could not be around Carlisle in his newborn state...

"My sisters, we must move!"

The husky voice of our leader, Hilda, broke through the contemplative silence that had fallen between that of myself and Anne. She swept down through a hole in the roof of this abandoned church and landed near us, her raven black hair falling in curls about her pale face and her crimson eyes watching us all.

I felt a familiar relief ease itself within my chest as another had landed down behind me and wrapped a slender arm about my waist. I felt a nuzzle against my neck and a gentle kiss as my Mary pulled me close against her, almost protectively. I responded by touching my mate's hand about my waist and running my fingers gently across her silky skin.

"Why must we move?" Victoria was the first to ask, though she was on high alert for any possible escape from any threat.

Hilda glanced back at Victoria and let loose a gentle hiss, not at her coven mate, but of the threat that had made itself known. "There had been reports from the other covens that a couple of the Volturi Guard were sniffing about the borders of the city. They were no where near here but we cannot take chances. We have survived this long and we cannot be discovered now." She glanced at me and her frown grew. "Katherine, what do you make of their presence here?"

I felt Mary's arm tighten around my waist but I purred deeply in my chest, assuring her that all was well. I allowed my eyes to go unfocused and searched the many possible futures that could intertwine with this one and could affect a negative outcome for my coven. The flashes happened so quickly but every one that intertwined with this time line were ones that did not affect directly with my coven. They were all affecting the path of... of...

I gasped and let out a harsh cry in protest. After all I had done and all I had hoped for, those damn Volturi would still interfere. My sisters moved around me and Mary held me tighter, they all feared the worst. I quickly shook my head as I allowed my knees to give in to the very human motion of trembling from fear.

"They will not find us," I said, already seeing my sisters relax around me at these words. "However, my son and his bonded mate... They will be torn apart because of the actions of a coven that calls their home in the very sewers of this city. They will be separated because of the Volturi!" I allowed the grief to take over my heart and turned into the comforting embrace of my Mary, breathing in her sweet scent. My mate knew the pain of being separated from your bonded for even moment and she sympathized with me, whispering sweet and comforting words into my ear.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Hilda frowning at this as she mulled over my words. The survival of her coven was her priority as the leader and our happiness was also a part of that priority.

My son was an important part of me and one I would do anything for. Isabella was a part of that now and Hilda knew I would not stand for anything to interfere with _their_ happiness. It was because of this notion that Anne was able to go back to save her sister from the hell she lived. Victoria was a part of Anne's continued happiness. With her sister safely in our ranks, she could concentrate on the survival of our coven. Hilda understood the need for our survival was in part because of our happiness. There wasn't anything that she denied us if it meant our coven would remain safe.

With my gift, the chances of our survival was enhanced and if my happiness ensured those chances to continue favorably, then she would approve of whatever I requested...

"Very well," said Hilda, recognizing and acknowledging what I had left unsaid. "We will do what we can to protect your son and his bonded mate as long as our coven survives because of it."

I closed my eyes at these words and felt the relief as this choice made itself known. This would help to buffer the negative aspects of whatever choices that might affect my hope for Carlisle and Isabella's future. There was so many streams and curves of so many possible futures that could overlap and affect it but with the support of my coven, my son and his bonded mate would be safe...

My sorrow at these turn of events meant that I could not go into every possible future to keep them from interfering with this time line I protected as my own. Everything terrible that could possibly happen to Carlisle and Isabella were there now that the Volturi had come to investigate. It seemed my involvement in their coming to London a hundred years ago only delayed that fated visit.

I just hoped that my coven, my son and my future daughter would survive this...

* * *

><p><em>(An) I know the coven that Victoria was originally a part of had been destroyed in the 1570's but I felt they would be an interesting aspect to add to the story. Thanks for reading._


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